27 10 04 – Moleskine. Pages slightly burnt, scratched, tilted. (What does that last one mean?)
Even among the most fluid demons that inevitably find me, this far away from reality, I think and dream simultaneously of time. It befronts me most here at the so-called “Almost southern point” as a lollying figure. It could be due to the remnants of something that has left me here or brought me here or it could be something recently awakened by the very recent happenings. No matter. As I will deal with this dilemma as I have all others. Run away from it or delegate it to someone else. Although this time I am finding it hard to take the easy way out. And so I deliberate time. It is just what I need. Not time in the sense we all know though. I recently read of a tribal people who had the same word. The way they would indicate past, present, future was by pointing in a specific direction. My question is, or, my avoiding point is, what if I were to do the same and not point? Yes, your assumption is I live in such a tribal store world. That world or place or community is now.
I said to some woman who is just ahead of me. “Where are you running to?” She didn’t respond. The hot sun was beating down on the back of my neck, the hurl of old timer airplanes roared in the sky and the sour smell of drainage being cleared overwhelmed my senses and I curtailed even further my hope of ever finding a paradise. I know, it’s very naive of me to think I could ever find a paradise on such lost shores but in the midst of my daily reality checks sometimes the pessimism subsides. It is obviously overcome though by and even easier misnomer. I like to call them the runners. In articles or notes I have called them the wounded or the dead (see failed novel Chad). But here, in the sunshine of darkness and illusion, they are the runners. But where do they run? Some have said to win the race. Others know the metaphor. What do you win? They usually illuminate some physical prize and I walk away laughing. For I know it is the run the keeps them alive. Run from here, run from there. Run too. Run hither. If you run forever excepting tokens along the way and never search for wisdom, what is the point? Should there be a point to everything? I want so badly to say yes.