Two People Falling

2004 12 27

Man and woman finding each other. They weren’t looking. Do you understand? Do you know? So…

Stage: Two people falling on stage and talking as though nothing has happened, although they just fell onto the stage. They realize they know each other and begin to dialog. The conversation is about what caused them to fall (onto stage). Subsequent scenes about the fall. Original sin.

So… what is the promise of marriage? One of the laws of marriage deals with the issue of fidelity but what when this law is rescinded? Who came up with this part of marriage in the first place? The man or the woman?

Better leave that one alone.


Gone Backwards

2004 12 23

Have spent too much time, a calamity perhaps, on this issue of god. Wonder if death would finally relieve me of this thoughtless burden since I know that He is a She and She is quite different than anything I’ll ever experience–in life or death. But it is something I will never forget. Until I release the bullet down the barrel pointed to my temple I must adhere. Like glue of some ill conceived cause of various ungracious parts. Or friends who, upon my death, will say nice things about me but nothing significant.

Except, perhaps, this: the devil is male and god is female. This the grand fight of the ages/mind.

Mel Gibson’s movie had one interesting character. The devil. A female like, feminine creature humanoid offering him, JC, a different kind of salvation. That of the flesh. The flesh that is god.

How I wish my home would call me. I know why it doesn’t care ever-more. Because I have gone backwards. She will leave those behind in her wake. She is moving forward, why should she look back? Yes, move forward my sweat. Go on without (me). Even my death isn’t worth one of your sample winks. This place of wanna-be monarchs I should have just visited. It is my fault to stay here.


True Truth

2004 12 22

What is the logic? (Where?) Sexism, for example. Or prohibition of pornography by so-called moralists. What’s the point of a bunch of men out there protesting a porn movie house?

The only answer to Christopher Marlow being another of W. Shakespeare’s work, although he was (supposedly) dead, is that he had already wrote the plays and WS simply stole them upon his death.

Idear: Something about the anti-federalists in Americant. William Cooper, for example. There is a subtle leader (out there) who has been trying and has dedicated his life to building, amassing, mobilizing an army that will over-throw the (current) past WW2 US govt. The play ends with WC thinking, questioning, whether or not all the people who signed on are enough and if they are real.

True truth. Faith, perhaps blind faith, is the power behind true truth. Is it the same as 1-1 or 3-3? Two equal and yet opposites parts that ultimately cancel each other only to leave a void where the human psyche can be so easily manipulated.

Lingering question.

How do you fake a virgin birth? Define or redefine “virgin”. Go back to ancient…

Something else.

Mark 14 the anointing of JC. Witnessed by many. This type of “anointing” was reserved for something special–it obviously motivated Judas to run off and betray JC. Is it possible that JC chose a different path than the (then) high Jewish priests would have accepted? If JC had chosen the path of war/King then perhaps they would have tolerated him but instead JC chose (a) path of David which threatened their power.


Laughing At Ones Own Birth

2004 12 21

Rumor: Zoroaster laughed on the day of his birth.

If I read to you a truth do I also (can I possibly) forsake you? The twins of truth. Truth as opposing twins. Perfect twins = born male and female and identical. Is such a thing possible?

A deal is made between men. The only difference between these two men is that (A) is down on his luck and (B) is not. A is lead by B through a door which, because of his circumstance, would never have been able to enter. Once through the door B stops A and says:

B: But there’s one catch.

A is perturbed and complains before he knows what B is going to say because he thinks he’s been tricked. The first thing B says is that A must be prepared. Then… Motto: what is the point to God helping Man if it can never be enough anyway?


No one knows their way. The Germanians. They have a physical structure, a bodily presence, it is viewable in any of the rudeness mankind can muster/surmise, including (all) their great inventions (which only their collective was able to profit from). Schooling for example. (Didn’t they invent that, too?) Although the children are of a obvious and friendly disposition their parents hobble ’round the ancient bricks as though relieved their praying doesn’t have to forge the bricks and stones of faulting pyramids. Yes, the culmination of their achievement. Seen in the schools of free-wheeling children only told to not play the instruments freely lying before them. Convention is their new motto. It was at one time greatness but that was wiped from any shallow remaining consciousness. AH has left such a deep scar/scare nothing original will ever emerge from it. Now it is a place of well endowed MILFs not worth the weight they refuse to gain. But worth every screw. Every one. Yes, I am sure, although my mother is one of them, I cannot seem to feel similar. Why is that? It is perhaps the “strafe” of my mix breed. An error of pedigree. And no one knows why or how such things occur–at least what brought me to this level of (false) immigration. Except perhaps Mr. or Herr Rosenkrieg. No, that cannot be right. My errors are my own, even the ones that took place before my birth here (i.e. entry to Germania).


Six Basics

2004 12 20

Hegel > it’s all about reason. Nothing else.

“Willed congress”—an alchemical wedding. The once spiritually feminine soul was united with God. Someone or something made this spirit FALL into human form which is immediately defiled. This is the way of the carnal world. Eventually her prayers are heard and god rescues her by joining her with the male spirit and hence the chemical wedding that occurred.

When did the Catholic church become (or was it at its inception) the work of the opposite of what JC was (attempting) to preach? Did JC preach the ideal of power as part of the church?

It’s very difficult for me to explain the loss and pain of living in Germany. I.e. not having found (my) way in US. Nomatter. Although I agree with Miller and his ravings about Eurowasteland in the HummingBird essays, I cannot evangelise about this place that has turned out to be such a disappointment. Of course, I am unaware of how long he actually lived here. (Look it up.) It does leave me the thought that romanticising about this place comes as easy as the love (or hate) of anything. I must agree with Miller that Eurowasteland is a hotbed of history—but not for it’s results. Eurowasteland is a hotbed for everything reactionary in man—including the… The results of this obvious cultural greatness (sarcasm) is buried below a deep crust, an impenetrable place. Not even Eurowasteland has cracked this place. Yet I will give it credit for trying.

Six basic (articles) of belief by Muslims:
-The day of judgement


Printers Ornaments

2004 12 19

Wingdings, dingbats, aka “printer’s ornaments”, the origin was to help printers fill space or decorate when printing. Today this is a type of code. Or it’s an undiscovered secret containing code.


Idea: a defrocked drunk turned detective stumbles on the secret of the anti-christ.

What happens when twins mate? (Assuming the proper configuration of twins.)

The product of this, according to some occultists, is life being neither male or female. The tension, stress, friction of sex can then be resolved and unity of the spirit can begin its ascension. (Only possible with modern day birth-control?)

Bela & Kaan. The brothers. They find out they’re step brothers. Kaan is actually the product of Eve’s promiscuity (w/Satan). Adam is a bumbling idiot.

The tree as phallic male symbol. The roots dig in the earth or hell. The full of the tree is man or life. The branches are lives path and it all explodes to the sky in search of something unattainable.

Oh, I’m on a role.

The path way and journey towards (to) the anti-christ. Bloodlines finding brethren in order to mate and continue the lines. But what if a bloodline relative is found somewhere remote and he or she has no clue to their heritage?


Fun Of It All

2004 12 18

It is said that apathy is the work of the devil. Yet in a world where parallels cross at will all in the name of something futile (social justice) that/then perhaps in apathy lies (a) solution to all ill will. When work for productivity became chain–like then the first casualty of the fight for freedom was the truth. Or…

God in a jealous rage created the institutions that now control mankind. He did not create man. It is/was lucifers only wish to show man what God would/could not do. What god was capable of…

Perhaps the time has come to return to the book of hours. Yes, an illustration is required to get a point across. But what to do when someone looks deeper into a picture book made by member of a… Secret society that just can’t keep a secret.

Oh, the fun of it all.


Careful Planning

2004 12 17

Dear worst-reader. My dear little wrost-(note)book (Moleskine) full of whatnot, it has a fancy but dull hard black cover. What is the sense of it all if it all has been done? No. If it all has no sense. (Yeah, that’s the ticket.) Even the question must have been asked a thousand times. At least a short trip to Rome left me wondering about wealth–among other earthly things. And if there really can be a city within a city. Nothing matters. Nomatter. Certainly not fallen heroes. Or perhaps those not fallen. Bricks in the huge wall of man’s mistake(s) that make up the barrier of life. Life that is really something else. Not just existing or surviving. I wonder if Milton tried this. Turn the tide and make someone see white where there was always black. But how? We artists. The lost artists who earn and live for nothing. (This is done by wanting to find truth which everyone wants to avoid.) We soak up the want of more. What? Cars. SUVs. The acceptance of Milton’s possible apotheosis. Satan. How? (Don’t ask.) We must look to Byron and his hero: rebellious, antisocial (especially when it comes to institutions) not being adherent to something (national, organizational, etc.), anti-authority, smart and (humanly) functional, having a past that you don’t let run you down, an emotional wreck, capable, like Nero (ok, bad example; so you pick something dear worst-black-book), of sticking a knife in your own neck.

The human legislative has once again been separated. But who sits on which side of what?

What is good, what is Evil? If Evil at some point in time created and nurtured the world as we know it today than that means we have NO way of realizing our misdirection. Evil has systematically purged our intellects and subsequent institutions of any pathway to truth. This has been done by careful planning, I’d worst-say, to somehow counter the occultism. The idear of mysticism was taken to new levels. Enter the inquisition, communism, the crusades… Not in that order, of course.

Sistine Chapel


2004 12 15

Imposition. Visit to Sistine Chapel. The Sistine Chapel. The ceiling works almost three dimensional. How could “work” ever be done in this room? Who is trying to be impressed? A statue of Christ gets lost in this space of colorful human history. Colorful human loss.

Why does this room work like a comic to me?

All the pilgrims trying to find their way. By definition the pilgrim is lost. How can a pilgrimage truly end? Where do they really go. I mean, it’s a spiritual thing. Or?

A way to god pictured. As though images tell a story. Salvation and damnation. How fitting the two so gallantly fit together, like gears. What is clear is that there is no third place between or below heaven (salvation) and earth (damnation). Although there is a glowing hole behind the superimposed statue of Christ. I can’t help but think Michael Angelo makes the earth out to be hell. Such an imposition. Yes, I see the level of third grade here. (Proof there really is evolution?)

The want of journalism, that keeps the mind from going… going… gone.

Oh, I want ot give myself to something but I know nothing of the sacrifice of (acquiring) knowledge. This room, this all empowering room, a room that might be the only one where no black exists. It’s no where to be found. This is a room of light, light things. Of the purest and most sufficient confusion that all of mankind could want. It’s here. Not just the answers but all the questions, too. You can, if your of the willing, come to this place and never, ever, question or answer. Imposition. A cornucopia of snakes, trees, feet and hands and finger tips, heads that seem to be all the same, etc. The grass and the trees and the small stones on the floor where ten thousand people walk on the souls everyday, things, emblems dressed in Gold, all of the Gold, it would drip if allowed, if something came along but I think that’s the problem–there’s nothing mystical in this place, really. Is it sacrilege to say there is no magic here? I cannot find imagination here either. There is no place for even secrets here. It is the magnificence of this imposition that leaves the meek ultimately alone, left to the world of genital stimulation and other forms of sweet tasting sin. Sin, my worst-friend. And then come here. I know or feel nothing feminine in this place. As though woman was left behind somewhere. Of course she is pictured here or there but this has left her devoid of recognition. Is that this churches problem? What a surprise. It has forced Her to an existence of objectivity. It was odd to move from Egyptian art to this chapel. I felt more life there, in those other places of past and/or previous culture. Here there is only color and gold and NO mystic black.


Not So Original Sin

2004 12 13

Irony = Francis Bacon’s death. FB was inspired by the possibility of preserving meat using snow. FB bought a chicken to test this possibility and while stuffing the chicken with snow he caught a case of pneumonia and died.

Original sin. A&E sinned by taking from the forbidden tree of knowledge. They were than banned from Eden. (Or.) A&E sinned by having sex (relations) before they had reached (a kind of) spiritual perfection. (Or.) A&E’s fall was all part of god’s plan. There had to eventually be a seperation from god who actually planned it the was it happened. This interpretation doesn’t make it a ORIGINAL sin. Instead it’s very UNoriginal.


How Defeats Why

2004 12 09

A rose & cross with a distinctive head, bald of skin and a scarred skull bone, stood upon its single leg and waved its handler’s arms and said: we live in times when the How has eliminated the WHY.

physical + material = mind + soul

It was, I suppose, a great human(ist) fight to realize that the earth is not the center of the universe. By doing this, making this monumental change, man accept the fact his/her eog was unimportant, or at the least it was humbling/humbled. This process, though, in recent times has given way. Humanity at least that of the west, has resorted to … thought. Hence, we live in a world where the mind and human consciousness can no longer deal with the world outside its ego. It is self-validation that has become the basis of human action. How we feel determines what it is we do or say. Is this than the reason for all our woes? For subjecting ourselves to everythign that is trickle down? What is the result of so-called 24×7 news broadcasting? It can only be disinformation because information that is excessive and intrusive but was /is intended to be informative can only produce its antonym.



Psalms vs Palms

2004 12 07

What to do when you think you’ve been lied to (falls pretense) and then learn finally the truth? When truth is not better than a lie. Much of life must be about this. Or. Oh, buttercup, I wish the glaze you’d put under my chin would hold past my next shower. Soldiers from Iraq protesting the war. They say they are not soldiers first but Americans and that the Gulf War reason is a lie. And so, someone will eventually find the truth about the war but that will simply be incorrect. When truth is faulty (untrue) where do we turn? The Gulf War I thought was about oil. Then I thought it wasn’t about oil. That it was about something else. What? The/Our Great War? So what was the war about? SUV?

How do you convince those who deeply and at heart believe they are right in a certain position they take that they’re wrong? Answer: don’t allow them to choose.

Counterrevolution. A country founded because of a tax burden. (A tax on coffee that turns Starbucks into a mecca of revolution.) Britain realized by the end of 1775 that if the colonies were to mobilize it would be too costly to counter. So you subvert the issue and ask: why didn’t George Washington become king? Was he not offered the post? How do you make a king? This was and still is a reserved power–four popes and bloodlines. But didn’t George Washington have royal blood? No, the bloodline thing wouldn’t work. Why? Because George Washington believed in something else. And it really is about belief. Or is it faith? How could the Boston tea party be the start of a nation? And what did George Washington stand for? As a mason he was bound by a higher power. For him the telling of a lie equates with the untruth of a false god–the embodiment of which was the church or loyalty. As a nation he knew that there was only one true king. Who was that? Wait. What was that?

Is it possible to misspell Psalms and write instead Palmes? Yes, but would Spinoza make the same error?

Fight With Taxi Driver

2004 12 01

What is it that draws people to ignorance? And where does mine come from? Is it a fact that people do not want to deal with reality? Obviously a reality is given, it is distributed, it is consumed. Those who cannot cope with it then drift NOT away from it but with in it and they determine their own. (Reality?) Many accept it (reality?) without haste because a gift-horse is also a friend. It is Paul some 40 to 60 yrs after (supposed) death of JC who, on road to Damascus, had a supernatural encounter–which is code for his inability to face reality.

Christianity: (ca. 178AD) a roman would say: Their belief is thus: Let no one educated or wise or sensible come close to us. But if their stupid or walk with the intellect of a child in an adult body let them all come me.

It is true that by 312AD Christianity was set to become the sole religion of Rome–except Judaism. By 496AD, with the baptism of Clovis 1, christianity officially introduced to Europe.

Connection between Plato and JC. Or is it Socrates and JC?

All the images, statues of “our lady” or Notre Dame could also be depiction of Magdalene with child from JC.

Thomas the Doubter checks JC. Tests him, pokes a finger in the cut in his rib cage. See painting by Caravaggio, The Incredulity of St. Thomas.

The result of the war of 1812 is the confirmation of the boundaries between British Canada and US.

Idear. Dialogue.

The fight among friends isn’t about a fight between them. It’s about one friend brawling (for whatever reason) with someone else. The two men hustle on stage, one carrying the bloodied other. They are in hotel lobby. (Based on true happenings.)

F1: Jesus Christ, man!
F2: Yeah–
F1: You’re getting blood everywhere.
F2: Just on your shoes.
F1: What about my shirt?
F2: That’s not blood.
F1: Sure it is.
F2: No it’s not. I don’t know what it is but the blood is only on the souls of your shoes.
(Pause. F1 puts F2 somewhere, couch, chair, then gets him something to wipe the blood from his nose.)
F1: Here…
F2: Thanks.
F1: You’re an idiot, you know that.
F2: Did I kick his ass?
F1: Who cares?
F2: That’s what it’s all about, man.
F1: It was just a taxi ride.
F2: And he didn’t take us our destination.
F1: And that’s a reason to punch him.
F2: Did you hear what he said? When I asked him why he was dropping us off two kilometers from the hotel? I’m not walking two friggin’ kilometers.
F1: Spoke to soon, uh?
F2: But I kicked his ass first. (Short pause.) Bet hi’s not earning his keep for a few nights.
F1: Ok. That’s a good point. Did you have to hit so hard?
F2: Why? He was rude to you, too, you know.
F1: The man just wants to earn a living and he tried to explain that he could go no further because of the cities festivities and how they blocked off streets.
F2: Then he should drive his customers to where they want to go, first.
F1: He drove us more than halfway here. Two kilometers ain’t much, right. I mean, I don’t know kilometers from Saint Peters, but the walk here wasn’t so bad. Hey, it’s Oktoberfest.
F2: I don’t care if it’s fuckin’ Christmas. We waited an hour for that taxi. And then he says he can’t take us no further? He did it because we are foreigners he doesn’t like.
F1: Yeah, it did kind of seemed that way. And he’s a foreigner himself. But seriously, dude, you have anger issues.
F2: I just walked two fuckin’ kilometers, drunk out of my mind and there wasn’t a bar open the whole way. Fuck this! Fuck Oktoberfest.