2004 12 23
Have spent too much time, a calamity perhaps, on this issue of god. Wonder if death would finally relieve me of this thoughtless burden since I know that He is a She and She is quite different than anything I’ll ever experience–in life or death. But it is something I will never forget. Until I release the bullet down the barrel pointed to my temple I must adhere. Like glue of some ill conceived cause of various ungracious parts. Or friends who, upon my death, will say nice things about me but nothing significant.
Except, perhaps, this: the devil is male and god is female. This the grand fight of the ages/mind.
Mel Gibson’s movie had one interesting character. The devil. A female like, feminine creature humanoid offering him, JC, a different kind of salvation. That of the flesh. The flesh that is god.
How I wish my home would call me. I know why it doesn’t care ever-more. Because I have gone backwards. She will leave those behind in her wake. She is moving forward, why should she look back? Yes, move forward my sweat. Go on without (me). Even my death isn’t worth one of your sample winks. This place of wanna-be monarchs I should have just visited. It is my fault to stay here.