HP Scanners Sucks As Do The Mice

Remember the days when hitting the key combination ctrl+s saved your ass and the work you were hacking into your computer? I’m talking 1982, here. Well, for whatever reason, today I forgot what the concept of ctrl+s means. This is attributable to one of two things: drink or laziness. Let me repeat: I forgot the concept of the key combination; I did not forget the key combination. After working on something for a few hours I mistakenly, thinking I was managing data, threw away all my work. Stupid mishap on my part? Just hold a sec, please.

I am one who switched from Mac to PC a few years back. (Stop laughing.) I did so out of need. I needed to save money on next purchase of a PC. Also. There’s the class fighting, anarchy-thing going on in my mind that has something to with protecting humanity from the abuse of all this industrialization and technology. Seriously. Our protection is only a mouse movement away or a click of the left button. Life and everything in it sucks. I yearn for the days and clarity of the past – oh, what suffrage. Wait. Where was I?

When the PC first started making the rounds it was required that a person know a few basics about it. These basics had nothing to do with the inner workings of the device, nor did they have to do with programming or understanding of software. The basics were:

  • Only put something into it that you’re willing to lose.
  • ctrl+alt+del.
  • More than half of that which gives a PC functionality is superficial and only there to make you pay more for hardware.
  • There is no such thing as software; PCs are driven by atomically small mice sent here from the edge of the galaxy.
  • You buy software so that hardware can be made. Its never the other way around. Hardware is the last of the three human inventions. The other two inventions were the wheel and the pencil.
  • A pencil can do the same thing as a PC.

The PC almost died in the mid to late eighties. Think IBM PC-junior and green or yellow monochrome screens. It was obvious, if this was to be the last of the three allowed human inventions, it couldn’t be allowed to just die out. One day while all the geeks were panicking someone came up with a really cool idea: connect the devices giving Sheople the capacity to move beyond their putrid and trite existence. Also add a little color to make it more like a TV – we know what that’s done to humanity. All said and done. It worked perfectly. The scary thing is we are still in the infantile stages of it all. Hopefully the herder of the universe, who tolerates the three inventions, will protect the Sheople who have obviously gone astray. But thats another post.

Where do I get this all this about hardware and software and the three inventions? Well, does no one else think about why everything is broken in our lives?

As I said, today I lost data and I’m really ticked off. I have millions of words written either with a pencil or a typewriter and for some strange reason I’m a little paranoid about losing it all. If you’ve read any of this weblog then you know this is my way of fighting back. If no publisher wants me or no lit agent is willing to work for his/her living then I’ll just have to go it alone. This is what technology is for. So to coincide with finally starting a weblog I bought a scanner. And let me tell you something that might come as a surprise (if you’ve actually read this). My new HP scanner… it sucks! In fact, the last time I used a scanner, about ten years ago, which was actually borrowed because they were too expensive to buy, it did pretty much the same thing this new scanner does. It just gets in the way and collects dust.

It’s really unbelievable that a scanner bought in 2006 works no differently than the first scanner I used around 1996. Even the software, I mean, the mice that drive it, suck. The connection to the PC sucks  just like back then. Ever since hooking the thing up my PC is running weird. You would think that programmers could finally get their shit together. You would think that the mice finally saw the light and could do what Apple mice do  make it all work together  or at least make it look that way. And let me not forget OCR. This is the real disappointment. I have so many typed pages of text and now they will stay that way because the mice today are no different then yesterday – and they should be different – they should be better and I should be able to write with snot on a brick and OCR should be able to read it into my PC. It’s called progress.

Wow. Nothing works, whether its a scanner or a plumber or political system. So it can’t just be me. Goodness gracious were all going nowhere fast.

Rant on.