Boomerang Them Germans

Boomerang by Michael Lewis

What is a boomerang and how does it apply to the problems of a world faced with replacing productivity and creativity with speculative finance? Without looking it up on Wiki, I recall a boomerang being a hunting tool. Aborigines used it to stun or deliver a debilitating injury to their prey in order to approach it and then administer the kill. Obviously there is a political underlying reality to what has facilitated the West’s financial woes but that isn’t best exemplified in a primitive hunting stick that returns if it misses its target and ultimately ends up becoming more a toy than a useful tool.

Today, dear worst reader, we talk about Boomerang by Michael Lewis. And even if it doesn’t matter – and it might not come across that way as you read on – I love this book. In fact, it’s the second by Lewis I’ve read, and I loved the first just as much. He has a knack for writing short, precise books that get right to the point and he does it in a pleasurable way. So. With niceties behind us… Although I try to steer away from being a critic and/or a reviewer, there are a few things I have to criticize about Boomerang. First, to me, Mr. Lewis should stick with calling this book “The Meltdown Tour” like the Kindle edition I have or “Travels in the New Third World” which (I think) is part of the title for the US version. Of course, being the successful writer that Mr. Lewis is also means that he can hop-skip and jump around the world trying to find interesting ways to explain our doom and call his book anything he wants. Yet, I still have to ask: Who would ever think to write something on this subject matter in the form of a travel journal? Great idear, dude.

Even if the boomerang metaphor doesn’t really fit, I get what Lewis is trying to say with it. And, as I’ll explain in a sec, it might be better applied to something/somewhere else. I reckon throwing something into the air and having it magically/automatically return to you is kind of a catcher. It’s just that I think he’s looking for something along the lines of ‘what goes around comes around.’ Or perhaps it’s more like ‘you reap what you sew.’ Nomatter. I simply disagree that the financial woes in our debt ridden western world can be explained and/or understood from the point-of-view that it’s all about something we did (in the past) which is now coming back around to bite us in the ass. Unless, of course, the boomerang worked as it was intended to work. I digress.

The thing that most people miss when contemplating wall street is that the west has replacedidears such as merit and achievement, and if you go even further law, with a new kind of hereditary entitlement. That’s right, I’m referring to the type of entitlement that the Enlightenment tried to get rid of. One of the tricks used to cause this re-establishment of entitlement has culminated in the simple act of commoditizing EVERYTHING. Hence the misunderstanding that there is a wall street and a main street. Wall street is simply the entitlement that all main street is trying to get at. Main street has happily and joyously enabled wall street and I would even go so far as to say that it’s done so more than partisan politics has. Welcome to the new world-order formula of consume equals survive by any means necessary.

Put another way, if you really want to get ahead today and/or move beyond just making a living you either have to be a Bill Gates or a in-the-right-place, at-the-right-time bond trader for a company like Goldman Sachs. The beginning of this new century proves more than in any other time that working for a living, that is, actually earning something, has gone the way of the dinosaur. All that’s left for us now is speculation and debt. And these two things are like a boomerang, I guess. Lewis writes: “When you borrow a lot of money to create a false prosperity, you import the future into the present.” Ok. I guess that’s what goes around comes around. Or? Anywho. Having grown up in this gluttonous do-nothing, achieve-nothing yet get-ahead world (fail-upwards) only one question comes to mind: how did it get like this?  The dawn and the hey-day of the industrial era was not about the likes of Henry Ford or Thomas Edison maintaining fortunes by speculating on derivatives that are based on debt that was created by selling-off a nations production capacity. The problem with all this Tommi-contemplation, stirred by Michael Lewis’ book, is that I know the answer(s) as much as I know the nose on my face. Yet who really wants to know noses? I digress again.

As stated, this is my second book by Michael Lewis and I’m digging this guy more and more. Lewis has a unique ability to intertwine journalism with story telling. So. If you want to know how the western world’s debt problems are intertwined with wall street shenanigans Michael Lewis is for you. The best part of it is that you’re gonna get the added bonus of not only having a quick education in the trickery of world finance but also some insight into the character and personality of nation-states that seem to compete with one another just like toddlers in a sandbox where the toys they fight and bicker over are “securitized fish”* and other financial derivatives.

The book has five chapters, each detailing deadbeat countries and their debt woes. Lewis starts his travels with Iceland, then moves on to Greece, followed by Ireland, Germany and ends with California where a somewhat strange but interesting interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger is inserted. The thing that bothered about this book is how Lewis included Germany in his story as though it too is a deadbeat nation. Obviously, all the places Lewis visited have serious debt and finance problems, including Germany. Yet, comparatively, the only one that seems to be able to manage the problem is Germany. So it doesn’t make much sense to me why Lewis didn’t put a little more effort into setting the Germans aside.

Maybe I’m biased because I live here, but if you ask for Tommi’s humble opinion, Germany shouldn’t be lobbed in with countries that are basically nothing more than borderline madhouses (what can you expect from a country (Iceland) that believes Milton Friedman could be an architect of a new economy?) or criminal enterprises (the Greek government). The west has gone through various experiments in economics and politics in the last (insert # years here). As angry as I might be with my choice of expatriation country and these friggin’ Krauts, there is one thing that you can’t take away from the Germans. Post-WW2 Germany is probably the only country that has been clearly run/governed by the word of law like no other country. Forgive me for generalizing here, but Germany doesn’t just interpret law or use law for the sake of providing advantage(s) to politics (government) or interest groups (corporations); all of which is the basis for American’t and other Anglo-driven countries to have such run-amok economies. You would think that some kind of praise is deserved for how Germany, as a country, has conducted itself since the advent of the Euro and the advent of the anglo way of living beyond ones means. While all Anglo influenced countries consume themselves into deeper and deeper holes of credit/debt, I can barely find stores in Germany where I can use my mastercard to buy stuff – and it’s 2012! For reasons too obvious and outdated, people insist on trying to drag down these Krauts or just lob them into the same Eurowasteland pot.

One thing fascinating with this book is how Lewis provides a few short examples of the differences between Germans and Anglos, especially in the realm of world finance. (And this is, btw, IMHO, the subject that Lewis could have gotten into a bit more in order to set the Germans aside.) But all is not rosey. What he fails to say is that, as bad as the “Landesbank” scandals (2008) were, the Germans could never go as far as the Irish or the Greeks. Or does he say that? Yes. Actually he does say that. My bad. He just doesn’t expand on such a revelation enough. He writes, “The Germans took the rules at their face value: they looked into the history of triple-A-rated bonds and accepted the official story that triple-A-rated bonds were completely risk-free.” And then he says, “Others do not behave as Germans do: others lie.” Sure, the Landesbank traders bought into subprime up to the day that the market crashed, making them somewhat gullible, but they did so because they thought they could trust the US, and more importantly, the obviously corrupt, biased and down-right stupid Anglo-driven rating agencies.

Why Lewis fails to differentiate Germany from the deadbeats is not a mystery to me. In fact, it’s one of the reason I don’t watch BBC or CNN anymore. I just can’t bare to hear all this anti-German talk as though it’s the early 20th century all over again. I mean, seriously. Up until WW2 Germany was on the verge of becoming a super power beyond, at the time, anyone’s belief – and we all know what that culminated in. Since then these Krauts have worked their asses off and have gallantly abided by the Marshall Plan and its doctrine of commerce good, war and divisiveness bad. Now that they have given up their beloved Deutsche Mark, even accepted idiotic mafia-like southern Eurowasteland liars into the fold, no one seems to want to credit Germany for actually doing a pretty good job at economically leading this whole mess. Btw, at the same time they also managed to integrate their own deadbeat former soviet other-half into the country. Somebody stand up and say: Alaaf!

So, are people afraid that the world may someday replace English with German? Oh! Did I just stumble upon the answer? The Anglo-fear makes no sense to me – unless you watch the BBC cover the demise and failure of the sold-out British economy. But then again, Lewis says this about Krauts, and when I first read it, I was seriously pissed: “For the Germans the euro isn’t just a currency. It’s a device for flushing away the past. It’s another Holocaust Memorial.” Come on. Are you serious? What do these Krauts have to do? Because of who they are, their past, and how they concurrently conduct themselves, they still must face this level of patronizing as though the sandbox of little children had some kind of scary superman in it that just might represent, at the least, a different way of doing things. Be afraid, people. Z’Germans are coming!

Anyway. I really enjoyed this book, even though I think Lewis is a bit naive and perhaps lazy when it comes to the part about Germany. But what the heck. At least I learned more than I thought I already knew about the gullibility of Germans. This is great read – even if you’re skeptical of the German way of doing things. Write on, Lewis.



Rant on.



* “The fish had not only been privatized, they had been securitized.” -Michael Lewis, from the chapter about Iceland and how fisherman turned away from the sea for careers in speculative finance.

In Search Of A Quote

Disclaimer: this text is probably NSFW.

Among the many imaginary friends I wish I had, one woke me up this morn when I was trying to locate something I hadn’t searched for in a while.

“What are you looking at,” he asked.

“The exact location of a famous quote,” I said.

“Why,” he (or was it she) asked.

“Because I’m tired of it being misquoted and I’m also tired of Believers and nutjob Deists thinking it’s their ammunition.”

“You’re being combative again,” s/he asked.

“I’m debating – mostly with myself and social networking sites on the internets.”

“Oh, that sounds constructive.”

There was an extended pause and my friend lit another cigarette with his well-worn zippo and jostled her pith helmet. (Wait. He? She? Yes, now that I’ve gotten to the pith helmet he was definitely a she; and she wore nothing else. There will be no more gender confusion from here on out.)

On the left side of my desk are four books. One is an English version of Das Kapital part 1. The other is the German version of the same book plus parts 2 and 3. The German versions, btw, are 1969 paperback editions from Ullstein Verlag that I picked up at a Antiquariat many years ago. We’re talkin’ brick books here, people. Obviously bricks are just like the proverbial luggage that I carry with me everyday and fail to cope with. I will admit that reading Marx is a struggle; I’ve been doing it for years and often find myself stuck on the same long-winded paragraph for days. I mean, Marx is whacked-out. At times I feel as though while his pen was moving he must have been toking on a fatty, trying to avoid the inevitable violence he was promulgating. Anywho. My friend saw me dabbling in a page or two in Das Kapital and she took a swig of an early drink, another puff of her fag and spread the old chestnuts in front of us that were waiting to be cracked.

“Well, old chap,” she said. “I see you’re focused once again on the opium of the people.”

“It is my drug, darling.”

“Well. That is what you think. But. Reading that nonsense. So much of which, by the way, is unfortunately attributable to his having lived within the British Empire. What a ghastly thought, you know. Because of him some people on this planet actually think that we, the British, had something to do with his conniving. The sad part of it all is that the only thing Das Volk know from him is a misquote.”

“How right you are, my darling. That too is something that I need to understand,” I said as she kneeled before me blowing smoke into my belly button.

“What does that old outdated and long defeated nonsense really matter now anyway? You must have other priorities” she said as her head and pith helmet began their servicing quest just after she flipped her fag into the corner near my stereo system where I wondered if it would burn out or burn us.

And so I tried to recall where in Das Kapital Marx had written religion is opium of the people. And that made me realize how long it had been since I’d dabbled. Even though I was preoccupied from my friend below I have been and always will be, at this level, a multi-tasker. I eventually recalled that Marx’s famous (mis)quote was not from Das Kapital but instead in the forward to his paper: “Contribution to the Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right.”

As I blew my goo and it got all over the pith hat of my lovely I also thought about something else that has always bothered me about this quote. Usually its translation into English, one I will post below, can be quite elegant, but I prefer the German original. As we all know, German is the language of Sturm & Drang, of Beethoven and Diesel, etc. – of over engineeringpar excellance.

Das Fundament der irreligiösen Kritik ist: Der Mensch macht die Religion, die Religion macht nicht den Menschen. Und zwar ist die Religion das Selbstbewusstsein und das Selbstgefühl des Menschen, der sich selbst entweder noch nicht erworben, oder schon wieder verloren hat. Aber der Mensch, das ist kein abstraktes, ausser der Welt hockendes Wesen. Der Mensch, das ist die Welt des Menschen, Staat, Societät. Dieser Staat, diese Societät produziren die Religion, ein verkehrtes Weltbewusstsein, weil sie eine verkehrte Welt sind. Die Religion ist die allgemeine Theorie dieser Welt, ihr encyklopädisches Compendium, ihre Logik in populärer Form, ihr spiritualistischer Point-d’honneur, ihr Enthusiasmus, ihre moralische Sanktion ihre feierliche Ergänzung, ihr allgemeiner Trost- und Rechtfertigungsgrund. Sie ist die phantastische Verwirklichung des menschlichen Wesens, weil das menschliche Wesen keine wahre Wirklichkeit besitzt. Der Kampf gegen die Religion ist also mittelbar der Kampf gegen jene Welt, deren geistiges Aroma die Religion ist.

Das religiöse Elend ist in einem der Ausdruck des wirklichen Elendes und in einem die Protestation gegen das wirkliche Elend. Die Religion ist der Seufzer der bedrängten Kreatur, das Gemüth einer herzlosen Welt, wie sie der Geist geistloser Zustände ist. Sie ist das Opium des Volks.

The great thing about reading this text every once-a-once, motivated by combative exchanges with believers and others who fail to see that they are truly in a catatonic state (of mind, body and soul) thinking the earth and everything else was created five thousand years ago and that their existence today is about nothing more than entitlement, is that it gives me hope. Being the illegitimate child of philosophical learning means that I don’t have to do anything and by doing nothing I can do almost everything with the utmost seriousness and un-use-ability. It also means that a female can come by the night before and while eating sushi off her parts I can also contemplate the (mental) reality of Das Volk. Hence the reference here today to my combative nature compelled by social networking sites on the internets, i.e. FB where someone posted something on his wall about how thankful he was that the “founding fathers” weren’t the same as the cold hearted religious nutjubs that occupy American’t today. I say pfui! They are the same. And the reason they are the same is because the founding fathers were unable to defeat the burning seed that is religion and so they made their compromises. The compromises, of course, were not enough. To this day those compromises conveniently coincide with man’s willingness to subject himself to authority and totality. For you see, there seems to be a mentality in my beloved United Mistakes that thinks it can look upon an infant history for some kind of reassurance that all is not lost. Indeed, I tend to think all is most certainly lost. And. Not just religion is the opium of the people but believing in anything else without fact is just as good a narcotic.

Before I close/continue here a rather elegant, poetic and what I consider a free interpretation/translation of Marx’s famous quote from Christopher Hitchens (warning: this is not an exact translation of text above, for that see “list of external links”) and his small but powerful book “Letters to a Young Contrarian”. Btw, I’m posting all this stuff in this way in order to both confuse and help so that some may put a little effort into grasping what was actually said and thereby in so many ways misunderstood – and more importantly misquoted. At the least, Karl Marx was not promoting atheism – as so many wish/hope to believe. What he was really up to was putting something out there – something that has obviously been detrimental to mankind in the hopes that a rational few might catch on and (re)act accordingly. Perhaps, in a strange way, the founding fathers of what is obviously now the united states of American’t were up to something very similar – putting something out there so that a few might catch on and (re)act accordingly. But (as usual) I digress.

Religious distress is at the same time the expression of real distress and the protest against real distress. Religion is the sign of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of a spiritless situation. It is the opium of the people. 

The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness. The demand to give up the illusions about its condition is the demand to give up a condition that needs illusions. The criticism of religion is therefore in embryo the criticism of the vale of woe, the halo of which is religion. 

Criticism has plucked the imaginary flowers from the chain not so that man will wear the chain without any fantasy or consolation but so that he will shake off the chain and cull the living flower. 



Rant on.


Sharks Barracudas Banks

The other day during a somewhat intensified news scan to try and understand the 2012 JPMorgan bank scandal,  I got to thinking about sharks and barracudas. This was aided when I happened across an article about a German women that was attacked by a sharkwhile on vacation in Florida. Although it seems she will survive the attack, she has lost a large amount of flesh and tissue of the lower part of one of her legs and it will probably end up being amputated. Then I thought about how much experience I’ve had with these animals – and not just sharks. For example, I grew up near a beach and there were regular shark attacks. There was also a glorious moment where I swam near a four meter long white tip shark after interrupting it’s hunt for a yellow fin tuna while scuba diving in the red sea. And then there was the time, while fishing in the Florida Keys, my sister hooked an adolescent hammer head that was about a meter and half long. When we finally got the animal aboard we had the daunting task of getting the hook out of it, which it had swallowed. In the mean time another fisherman hooked a barracuda that was larger than the hammer head. Both fish were squirming around on the deck of a fairly small boat and there were feet and legs all dancing around trying not to get between sharp teeth and clapping jaws. Suddenly, with a quick lash, the barracuda just missed a leg and latched on to the mid section of the shark. The barracuda tasted blood and turned frantic, instantly killing the hammer head. At that point we gave up on getting our hooks back and decided to just throw them both overboard. The problem was the barracuda wouldn’t let go of the shark. We couldn’t lift both animals while they still had hooks, lines and fishing poles attached to them. The only way to get to them was to kill the barracuda. I will never forget the intensity of the moment where I knew that the barracuda lusted to devour that shark – and he seemed glad to give his life to do it. Then someone grabbed the trusty baseball bat. Even dead the barracuda didn’t want to let go. But we eventually did get our hooks back.

I’m upping the position of William Black’s book “The Best Way to Rob a Bank Is to Own One” on my reading list. Reason. Black seems to have a grasp of the intricacies, or perhaps better put, the mechanics of what’s actually behind the recent JPMorgan multi billion dollar derivative loss. But this makes me wonder if there’s something more, something so complex that it can’t be explained. Here’s what Black has to say:

JPMorgan had about $15 billion in distressed European debt. … Europe has been in just a ton of trouble. And so, those investments were losing all kinds of value. Now, the story, which, again, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, is that they decided to hedge this position. A hedge is something where you invest in a second asset that is supposed to offset losses that you suffer in the first asset. In this case, the first asset was that distressed European debt, and the second asset, the supposed hedge, was a derivative of a derivative. In this case, it was an index of credit default swaps, which are a form of derivative that blew up AIG. Now then, the story gets even murkier, but it—the claim from out of JPMorgan is nobody was looking very carefully at the supposed hedge, and the hedge didn’t perform to offset losses, instead it increased the losses and increased the losses dramatically. And supposedly, no one was looking, and no one adjusted for this. And they woke up, and they had a $2 billion loss. (Source: DemocracyNow transcripts)

Here’s what’s important about this statement. The wild claim that the hedge JPMorgan was making to counter their distressed European debt investment using a derivative of a derivative leads to one question: What did JPMorgan do with their bail out money? Of course, with such a question, I’m making the wild assumption that the bail out money was for dealing with the huge amount of bad investments all the banks were stuck in. Hence this trade was JPMorgan’s attempt to find another way to get out of a mess riding on the back of someone else, i.e. the standard, status-quo Wall Street way of doing things. The problem is that no matter what trickery Wall Street comes up, these banks are gonna have to face reality eventually. That may also mean that the debt problem American’t has is approaching an unmanageable state and not even these monstrous banks (and their trickery) can handle it – with or without being bailed out. I wonder if it’s possible that banks and Wall Street have actually been lying to our government concerning reality (sarcasm off).

Now. What is a derivative of a derivative? A derivative can be a credit default swap. But a credit default swap isn’t good enough. All these really, really smart bankers like Jamie Dimon of JPMorgan must think anew. Remember, if they can’t get more carpet to sweep under then they will find something or some place else to sweep the krapp. And guess what they’ve come up with to help them do this? You guessed it. Credit default swap index. Things any clearer for you now?

A credit default swap is a form of insurance against a default on an investment. Adding “index” to it means that you’re basically just bundling a bunch of credit default swaps. Ok. Credit default swaps are used to insure investments like bonds. A bond subsequently can be a vehicle that can contain things like subprime mortgages. A bond can also contain the debt a country or state gets when it finances the building of a bridge or taking care of a city. But let’s focus on mortgages. As we all know, subprime mortgages played a major role in the economic meltdown that culminated in 2008 and surprisingly coincided with the glorious ending of Bush’s reign. As most are unaware, these tricky-dick investments are basically being used to prop up the American’t lie regarding life, liberty and the pursuit of being stupid. Hence, American’t can continue doing what it does best: finding the easiest way to make a buck off the back of others without actually working hard for it. Flash to the present and what we have are same-as-usual and too-big-to-fail banks that still haven’t really dealt with the main problem they facilitate and are unable to quit, namely, debt.

The truly amazing thing about JPMorgan and its recent loss is that it will probably be posting huge profits at the end of 2012 – regardless of how much it loses in these trades. The reason for that is it is literally experimenting with whether or not it can dump on a sucker nation or über-investor any of it’s junk debt made up of American’ts way of life. Is there a sucker in this world of trading nut jobs that is willing to take on this kind of stuff? My guess is that JPMorgan tried to get a country to take either its distressed European debt or – and this is what hedging is all about and what JPMorgan really wanted to do – its derivative of a derivative – a credit default swap index full of American’t mortgage debt that is part of all the housing foreclosures that is now the basis of American’ts economy.

But what sucker could or would take on such a trade as what JPMorgan was offering? Here we have a game where sharks and barracudas are gonna get it on. In the second segment of the interview with William Black at, he blatantly blames “The Germans” for Europe’s problems and he does it in a way that got me thinking. He claims that the Germans are holding too tightly to austerity for the Eurowasteland countries that are failing. Such a statement makes my head spin. The reality is all those countries agreed that they would hold their deficits to a set percentage of GDP. It’s now common knowledge that the failing countries systematically lied about their debt the whole time. What he doesn’t mention is the fact that if Germany doesn’t hold to austerity then it will have to be the one, by default, to pay for all those failing countries. And the reason for that is simple: Germany, relatively speaking, has a functioning economy that isn’t completely dependent on debt.

Now. This might come as a surprise but I have to speculate here. Obviously all Eurowasteland countries have serious debt problems. Some more than others. Is it possible that JPMorgan has finally run into a wall regarding its tricky-dick antics? Also, is it possible that JPMorgan has literally run out of betting partners? Remember, it was trying to dump its “distressed European debt” and if that wouldn’t work it was then gonna cover it’s ass (hedge) with dumping its derivative of a derivative – which didn’t work either. Isn’t this a blatant example of trying to negatively manipulate the Euro? In the one hand it had Eurowasteland debt that it couldn’t sell and in the other hand it had American’t debt. What? No buyers?

To go even further, as bad as things are in Eurowasteland, there are parts of it that are relatively thriving, especially if you speak German. It is common knowledge that what JPMorgan and other investment banks are doing is nothing but gambling. The thing that people forget is that, unlike Vegas, tricky-dick investment banking requires that two parties participate in each bet. In other words, you’re not betting against cards or dice or a small ball finding its number on a spinning wheel. Two entities have to stand across from each other and gamble. In this case, no one was willing to stand across from JPMorgan and so it lost in excess of $2billion dollars. So I have to ask: who was on the other side of this bet? Who kept turning down the trader that was begging to dump all this junk? Ultimately, the answer to that question probably doesn’t matter. This is all just no big deal because the apathetic American’t voting constituency is more than willing to support its oppressor, the JPMorgans and other wall street institutions that got us all in their jaws.

Personally, I’d rather go hang out with sharks and barracudas.



Rant on.


Hitch And Paine

Thoughts on Christopher Hitchens and Thomas Paine

Three Brits did a job on my head. One was a great thinker, one was a great writer and the other didn’t bother to tell me, after we had done the dirty deed a whole bunch, that she was married. But I’ll get to all that in a sec. As an American’t I’ve always felt obliged to get out in the world and not spread any message but instead absorb the message. At times the message I absorbed is not hospitable. In fact, I’ll go as far as admitting that, depending on where I’m traveling, I’ll kind of duck my head as I show my passport around airports, hotels and embassies. I know that sounds disgraceful, but hear me out.

Today it is time to admit two things. One, I will never fully understand politics, although I’ve spent the majority of my life trying and thereby turning it into both a hobby and a form of entertainment. Two, one of the first things acquired in the process of becoming an autodidact is learning that answers can sometimes take a backseat to questions. If there is anything proven by the western world’s obsession with wasteful higher education, it is that diplomas and other academic accreditation are not what they appear to be. In order to find truth in that all one has to do is look at the individuals running corporations and governments?

It became clear to me early on that in order to learn something it would be solely up to me to do so. One of the ways I’ve gone about educating myself is to not find answer but to search for questions. And there is one question that I’ve been playing around with for many years. It goes something like this: What’s the difference between Left and Right? I’m referring, of course, not to the direction of your thumbs but instead the direction of your politics.

I will forever be ashamed of the fact that when I was a child I never read anything. The reason for that isn’t worth going into here but it does have something to do with where I’m from. That’s why I should give my mother some credit for at least trying to get me to read. She did so by forcing me into our special living room. Most middle-class American’t homes have these useless and tradition filling rooms. Rarely does anyone use this room unless special occasions warrant it. It’s also the room in the American’t household that didn’t have a television. That in and of itself says a lot about where American’t family culture has been and where it’s evolved. Nonetheless, I was forced into this room and commanded to pick two full pages of the Sunday newspaper and read them in an hour. I was not allowed to read the comics, the classifieds or the obituaries. That left the front page, the community section, sports and politics. I’m proud to say that by the time I was twelve I was a master at reading the first paragraph of most articles in the politics section of the Sunday edition of the Washington Post.

You would think, after being reared in the Washington DC metropolitan area and avoiding the meat of every article on the first two pages of the Politics section of the Sunday newspaper, that at least a minimal knowledge of politics would somehow be ingrained in me. Laugh as you may at my ability to fudge my way around Mother’s attempt to educate me, but one good thing did come of it all. Unable to talk deeper than a headline vocabulary warrants, I did gain what I like to call a nugget education about practically everything. Combine that with an indoctrinating, fail-upwards public school system that is full of teachers who were better at babysitting – the stage is set for a once great country to give-in to its worst enemy: political apathy.

I suppose one can’t blame all of American’t for the reactionary stupidity of its political ways. It did try to edumacate its people. Most American’t automatons go through superficial “civic” classes in high school. I can even remember the teacher gently explaining the structure of the executive, the legislative and the judicial. I’m wondering to this day if teaching kids the mechanics of government is the root problem of why so many vehemently grow up hating something that they really cannot comprehend. Let’s face it. Understanding that you are part of a machine isn’t the same as understanding what that machine actually does. And so, it took until my early twenties and my fledging nugget education to finally realize it was time to stop being stupid. It was time to figure things out in earnest.

By my late twenties I knew I wouldn’t be living in American’t for much longer. One of the reasons for that was the political direction the country had assumed in the 1980s. For me, understanding the Right was easy because I was so negatively effected by it. Reagan and his gluttonous freak show came to pass. He and the powers-that-be had turned to posturing the Right into a godsend and placing it at the forefront of a political and subsequently fail upwards system. You would think people could easily catch on to being manipulated so candidly and easily counter it. It was truly a sight to behold how such political ideology could spread like an addiction. To actually say to someone in the early 90s that conservatism was subverting the original idears of the Constitution was like talking to one of those machines at a fun park where you put in a quarter to have your fortune told.

For someone of my generation who had the luxury of wars-of-choice and believing unabashedly in the lie of the American’t Dream, I was amused and heartbroken by the time the 90s rolled around. So, for the sake of survival and moving beyond my nugget edumacation, I jumped ship and entered the “real” world. This could only be done outside of the bubble that is The United Mistakes. Part of that journey was trying to understand what reared me. This culminated in the question: What’s the difference between Right and Left? For me, and if you follow elections and the policies that ensue, it’s hard to see a difference. Most politicians are automatons and are only allowed to speak as though both their constituency and their opponent’s constituency have a 3rd grade aptitude. Books are everywhere about politics but answers were only available by the questions those books posed. Obviously the difficulty of my search might have been due to my question, but I held to it all the same because it was simple and it was precise and it was hard to give up on something that had been with me for so long.

The fact is, through out my twenties and most of my thirties, I dabbled in finding answers. Heck, when the moment was right, I even posed the question to everyone I met. As a bartender in Washington DC during the mid to late 1980s I was audience to daily discourse over highball glasses, Sunday morning Presbyterians (the drink) and a few well-heated political arguments. Later when I got my first “real” job I would do the politically incorrect thing and try and talk about politics with colleagues and bosses. There were plenty of suggestions on how to find answers but it all lead to trying my patience and causing me to resort to unpleasantness. (FYI. There was one thread that connected all the answers I ever received. If a liberal thinking person answered my question she or he would always start by talking about what conservatives are. If a conservative answered my question she or he would always start by talking about being conservative.) Beyond all that, in my limited and indoctrinated mind, there was really nothing that separated the two sides of American’t politics. No wonder so many are disenfranchised from the political process. Right and Left politics in American’t was/is the same-difference. Would I ever overcome such cynicism?

Long into this expatriation journey the question still followed me (or was it haunting me). Oddly the answers I got even while living in Eurowasteland were not that far from the answers I got from back home. Bored of the human part of all this, there had to be another way. I had to understand what reared me and what was it that ultimately ruled my world. Now let me backtrack a bit and try to be clear about where I’m from. I was raised by the idear that is a country. Frankly, I do not have a clue as to what “parenting” even means. Although I praise my mother for her gallant efforts, that praise can only go so far for she had many hurdles to overcome, the main one being a female in this world. The concept of “family” only works for me if it’s attached to broken. And so, once discarded and left on my own – and allowing my mother to at least live a small part of her life – I eventually reached the point where in order to stop the 44 magnum from entering through my lower jaw and exiting through the top of my cranium, it was time to start moving beyond the lackadaisical nugget education and figuring out in earnest the madness of being American’t. It was time to change some of my habits, the most important one being what my mother tried and obviously succeeding in teaching me, reading. It took a while but I eventually and systematically inculcated non-fiction into my regular reading. Up to my mid-thirties, other than technology books or business management books, I had read only a handful of non-fiction books. And that’s not all.

As is the case with most fairly good looking young men who know how to make chicks laugh before scaring them away, reading historical stuff went well with easy Eurosex and the time consuming effort that level of fun requires. (Seriously. Try reading Gogol or Dostoevsky and then taking a chick out on the town. Deep literature might impress them but talking about it with them will un-impress you.) So. While doing Marie in Amsterdam I studied The Constitution. While successfully flirting with Jana in Berlin I read the Bill of Rights. After sex on the beach with Sam in Normandy I read The Federalist Papers, etc. Indeed, meaningless sex doesn’t always have to lead to meaninglessness.

One morning while watching American’t news on Eurowasteland television, I realized that there was a purpose to the vast nugget education I had acquired since rebelling against my mother. I watched Noam Chomsky debate some nitwit conservative and what a mind opening experience that turned out to be. While Sabrina complained that I had promised and not delivered her breakfast, I started to realize that something had gone wrong in my quest for knowledge. By the mid 90s the de-constructing technique that I learned from Chomsky became my standard of learning. And it fit well with my nugget education. No longer did I actually have to find answers to my (ultimate) question but instead I had to just keep moving forward, keep reading, and as they say: the journey is the way.

On a bright night in the darkest of winter, right out of nowhere, I had an epiphany. At the time I was seeing Eliza from London who was teaching English to under grads and finishing her PhD in political science at the Uni Bonn. She thought it was cute that I called my home American’t. I told her that it was my take on Tennessee Williams who I think coined the words “United Mistakes”. During an argument about the cold war and the stationing of nuclear missiles in Eurowasteland in the 80s, I took the (somewhat) conservative position that the missiles eventually fulfilled their mission because the Soviets couldn’t keep up with such technology and all of the cracks and weaknesses of their failed system were then exposed. Even though we hadn’t known each other that long, she knew that I wasn’t conservative. So she pulled out one of the books she was reading for an upcoming lecture. It was a collection of Thomas Paine’s writings. She was concentrating on Paine’s activities before he wrote Rights of Man while he was in France during the revolution. When I told her that I read some of Paine but it had been a while she doubly pushed the book my way.

One thing lead to another, the tree of knowledge was growing at both ends, and by the time I got to the late, great Christopher Hitchens, questions and answers were good. Since I’ve been doing this for so long there is no way to actually claim completion, that is that I’m satisfied I’ve actually found the answer. The reason for that is simple. Why would I want to stop? Every time a new nugget is found another appears. I’ve long since given up on coinciding knowledge acquisition and that of carnal knowledge, which means I might be consuming more and even being more productive with learning, but it is good to reflect on those sweet days and nights gone by full of words and lust.

Thomas Paine, Christopher Hitchens and Eliza, the three Brits who turned my head. What a journey, eh! Some consider Paine a major inspiration for The Declaration of Independence. But more importantly, reading Paine’s work can help break through the conservative rigamarole that is ruining American’t today. Subsequently, reading Paine lead to the discovery of Christopher Hitchens. Hitch unfortunately died in 2011 after a bought with cancer but he will live long around me as I plan on reading everything he ever wrote, including all the articles I can pull up at Vanity Fair and Slate. Hitch is the author of numerous non-fiction works about politics and politicians and a master of witty contrarian deconstructing. Hitch will also help you get a better grasp on Paine with a short and intense biography that he wrote about Paine and “Rights of Man” in 2006.

Although I don’t really believe in the after-life thing, it’s a nice thought that maybe Hitch and Paine are together preparing another pamphlet that might change the world. While most American’ts are out there in the politics of the wild-west and shoot-first, ask-later that now self-perpetuates and can’t be stopped, I can finally feel comfortable in the fact that I might never find the one answer to my personal and ultimate question but at least I can see through the ignorance that so many cannot.

Turn me head, baby.



Rant on.



Some might consider it privilege, others elitism. But it’s also torture. Since 2010 worstWriter lives in a Apple household. And I want to say upfront: this was not my choice. My better-half has completely fallen over the iPad edge and is now a total “post-pc” user. That is, she doesn’t use a personal computer anymore. And that’s fine. I don’t mind being system administrator for her tablet. (There is a joke in there somewhere ;-) I agreed to all this because I was gettin’ tired of managing an ever growing home media database and always hearing, “Honey, it’s too complicated.” Ok. I admit it. When she commanded that we go Apple, I agreed. But. The thing to remember is that I have a much longer history with Apple than she does. And I will never be the one to promote Apple because it’s easier than Windows or it’s more friendly. That’s all just bullshit. Anywho.

For us, now, it’s all about the easy consumption of media. Which means, iPad2 for the honey, iCloud and access to all our stuff in an apartment that has three floors. But let me add, even though I mainly use a Macbook Pro, I also run Win7 natively on it and am constantly switching between the two OSs. Oh, and before I get too off topic, we also have two Apple TV2 devices connected to an awesome multi-channel sound system and flat screens. All of our media comes from a dedicated MacMini and iTunes. The great thing about this setup is that, once you get it working,  you can practically turn off TV forever. Seriously. But keep in mind. There’s only one thing worse than what Apple is doing to the computing world: television. Anywho. Now it’s all Podcasts and all our other media – which is just a huge music and movie library. All that sounds pretty neato-torpedo, eh. Well it ain’t.

The problem is, iTunes and most of the software Apple makes, really, really sucks. We live in a world where corporations can only get wildly ahead if they somehow or other take advantage of customers and also do all they can to monopolize their efforts. Apple, obviously, is genius at this. For one thing, we have accumulated a nice little media library made up of 20+ years of purchased DVDs and CDs. According to our iTunes setup we have 5k songs. We have well over 500 movies and TV shows. If anyone out there has ever tried to manage such a digital library then you know how time consuming it is. It was because our library was getting so large we decided to go Apple – even if it meant taking a hit on picture and sound quality. (That’s right, don’t ever think you are getting quality stuff when you buy Apple. Steve Jobs & Co. have perfected that lie.) The problem we had when everything was on Windows and various media devices, was getting everything to work. When it did work it was brilliant. But when my better-half had trouble accessing stuff, well, she wasn’t very happy. So we talked, discussed, mapped out our home media system and finally switched to Apple – and I’ve been bitchin’ & moaning’ ever since.

As a former dot-comer there is one thing that I will never forget about computing. Software doesn’t work. It is inherent that software must eventually fail. That’s just the way it is. Lo and behold, recently I ran into another problem with iTunes, i.e. software. The switch to iTunes took about half a year. Like I said, we had to take a hit in quality – who really needs 1080p! – but everything worked fairly well. Movies and TV shows, music and podcasts all worked. I even broke down and bought a few movies via the iTunes store. That made me realize that the end was nigh regarding physical media. Anywho. Our biggest problem started when we realized that our household media could only be accessed through one Apple ID. Not only that, iTunes can only access one media library. There are tricks you can employ to get around some of this stuff but these tricks can have a negative effect on how the whole system works. The process of switching Apple IDs, which we had to do  because of requirements of Better-Half, is obviously a very cumbersome thing to do. Change that ID and all your stuff is gone. Luckily I have backups. Getting everything working again under a new Apple ID took the better part of three days.

So why does Apple do this? They do this because they know that the majority of users are small children who do not need to worry themselves about whether things work or not. Also. Apple has sold whatever soul it may have had when it enabled and facilitated the whole music download thing. Hence the stiff requirements of Apple IDs. On top of that, Apple is doing everything it can to nullify users realizing that you’re better off buying cheap DVDs in stores and ripping them into your system. The cost of purchasing stuff via iTunes is just downright ridiculous. BTW, Amazon music downloads are 100x better than iTunes.

If I had to do this all again, would I go Apple? Unfortunately the question is mute. The problem is Apple is so big now that there really isn’t a decent hardware and software that can compete with them. The whole post-PC thing is gonna make things even worse because it ultimately means that you won’t ever own anything again that is digital. Wow.


Rant on.


Price of Nothingness

Funny how so much gets lost in translation. Like reality. Every time I think that something can no longer happen to make me shake my head at Eurowasteland, something happens. Recent electoral event in France should be making the whole world shake it’s head, especially the Eurowastelanders. Of course, I’m not talking about head-shaking at the election itself. I mean, the former president was specifically proposing the same shit the new president will try to implement. What a change the French picked there, eh. (But at least they wrapped it in something “liberal”. LOL.) The thing to think about is the eternal status quo that is Eurowasteland’s only claim to fame. And that is the only thing that was voted for in France recently.

How can such an event in France once again muster the non-believers of the Euro-experiment as though one election here or there is gonna make any difference to the status quo? The reality is: Eurowastelanders do not change. Beyond that, nothing new happens in Eurowasteland. It’s that simple. From the get-go every rational person I’ve ever met while living on the continent has been skeptical about the Euro. But with all the political and economic turmoil happening there seems to be something else going on. Eurowastelanders are digging in. That is, if there is ever a way to make the status quo even more status quo – then leave it up to Eurowastelanders to go that route. They will bury themselves in it.

If you think things have been all about nothing up to now, just wait for the results of the so-called “austerity” measures to start kicking in. Oh, they have already kicked in? Could’a fooled me. Everybody knew back in the day when Helmut Kohl was Chancellor that countries like Italy, Greece and Spain, etc., were gonna be the weak links. And during this whole time no one did a thing about it. In the 90s I worked for a German company, but spent almost all my productive time in Spain. The reason for that, other than all the boring business management krapp, was that the German company I worked for could get around 1) the inflexible works council that was always dogging managements decision and 2) the price of the project could be slashed by a third just by implementing in Spain. (BTW, why Spain never caught on to that type of cost-saving to entice more companies to do there projects there is a Euro-mystery probably no one wants to think about. If you ask me, Spain was and still is a great place to work. Yet the Spaniards remained steadfast in their protecting of the status quo – even though the Euro had afforded them some advantages, at least in the area of cost savings, compared to Germany. Oh, I guess the Spaniards were to also too busy complaining about how all their best beach real-estate was being purchased by foreigners. LOL.)

But here’s what I really want to say about of all the krapp being said now about what to me has always been Eurowasteland – and the imminent failure of the Euro. The current turmoil caused by the sour grapes of Italy & Co. needs to be put in context. As bad as things are with bailing out these countries, I have to ask one question: who bailed out Germany when it had to practically absorb a dead-beat country of over 30m die-hard communists? As the rest of Eurowasteland bitched and moaned about the evils of German economic success none of them did anything to actually improve things in their own countries – or at least break the status quo that Eurowastelanders love so much. And yet the Krauts were able to not only deal with things like the European Union, the advent of a new currency, but also integrate the failed remnants of a former Soviet state. Compared to Greece, the Germans must really, really be good at whatever it is they do! And, of course, let’s not forget, with so much intense stuff going on in Eurowasteland since their new money started down the path of dys-unification and ruin, the French think they can elect a “socialist” as president and it’s actually gonna make a difference? Wow.



Rant on.


Losing Touch Inner National Socialist

Potential Subtitle: Will MILFs save Eurowasteland?

Disclaimer: I never quite finished this post. Part 2 was an attempt to finish it. Part 1 is where it all started. Sometimes, as hard as I fight to maintain them, idears just don’t cut it and I have to let them go. This post is the result of not letting them go.

Prelude: There is an urge deep inside me to attempt, however frivolously, to rename Europe. And why not. How many names has it had since this ultimate experiment came to pass? Ok. Granted. There haven’t been that many names – but isn’t more than one too much? Let’s see. European Union. European Community. The Continent. England’s Afeared Sister. The Other Side Of The Channel. Etc. (Btw, the word sister was chosen above brother to appease the French.) Oh. And last but not least (on my list), I think Europe should be called what it really is: Babel. Or maybe not.

FYI 1. I’ve already renamed Amerika. So. Without further postponement, here’s my suggestion for Europe’s new name – since Babel is a bit extreme.


No? Something else? Ok. Let me move on.

FYI 2. This post is the second iteration of a post that I wrote while blogging on wordpress in 2007. The whole IDEAR of this story begins after reading various articles that I found in some ill-fated research I was trying to do regarding how much Germany was mentioned on/in English language news sites. Of course, once I got through all the mentions of German economic prowess or it’s advocation of political hand-holding with France, I was actually surprised how much information is out there in English about some of the most questionably news worthy stuff. But when I looked deeper at what I had found, there was one other connection to be made. One of the articles that stood out at the time was on a TV news anchor named Eva Hermann. It was after reading about her and then seeing her actually mentioned on an English language website that I realized how important it is understanding boolean search in order to avoid being bombarded with hits about nazis.

And now. On to the show. Oh. And btw. I eventually came up with another name for Europe.


Part 2. (2010-07-02 03:33)

Nothing interesting happens in Eurowasteland. Seriously. This place is completely, utterly and totally boring. Obviously the Eurowastelanders love that. I’d even go so far as to claim they lavish in their own special cesspool of boredom. I guess, because of their history, being bored means all is well. And that has to say something. Or? If I were to look at it with my special pair of spite glasses – these same glasses are owned by most immigrants – Eurowastelanders especially love the fact that their boredom means that no one has to be part of starting wars so that oil companies can profit beyond imagination. It also means that one doesn’t have to concern his or herself with the antics of Das Volk and thereby control half the population’s choice of procreation and at the same time enhance the conservative wing-nut political base that is ultimately anti-female and pro-war. Then there’s Eurowasteland debt politics – which is ultimately a war of another kind against those who must work for a living in order to have a piece of the lie that is the Euro-pie? And the list goes on. Yet all is not lost. For. There is are two things exciting in Eurowasteland – that is, two things that are not boring as hell. These things amuse beyond the humdrum of all this almost-perfected socialism, also known as social market economics. What we are dealing with here are political discourse and – are you sitting down? – MILFs. Seriously. Following the antics of not just politicians but the few and far between neo-aristocrats and media personalities, there is something that transcends even the boredom perfected by a place that has given humanity practically all the world’s political evils.

Am I being to brash? Not sure. So let me focus first on Euro-politics. For you see, Eurowasteland is a place – due to circumstance I won’t get into – I have been forced to adopt. Since that adoption I have learned enough about the misconception and misuse of certain political IDEARS, such as the lie of social market economics. Eurowasteland opportunists aka politicians have long realized that there is an infinite source of empathy for all things that start with the word Social. This group of Automatons that are supposed to represent Das Volk seem to throw Socialism around like American’ts throw around  Patriotism. Odd how the controllers of the universe – on both sides of the Atlantic – are able to (s)pin opposing ideologies – that are ultimately the same thing – against each other. Brilliant.


Do Eurowastelanders do anything about this nothingness, this emptiness, this boredom that stems out of their love of all things political – and social? Of course not. Why should they? Most of them have long since acquiesced and accepted the lie of their Governesses, most of which are based on some form or another of aristocracy, hereditary privilege and/or the love of monarchy – and let’s not forget the goddess bitch named: nostalgia. Therefore none of Das Volk believe there really is a problem in their Euro-bubble because there is a direct comparison across the Atlantic that reassures them that bad isn’t has bad as the new bad coming out of American’t post George W. Bush. What a price the Automatons of Eurowasteland pay, though. But all is well because Eurowastelanders fill their politics with nomenclature. Take, for example, the word culture. Even though it’s a noun (just like the word Love) – it should be treated as though it is a verb. Indeed, Eurowasteland has perfected the noun-ification of everything – which ultimately means that there is no action left in anything. And so. Go to museums and look at things old and then convince yourself that they are aesthetic or their ultimate value is in a history devoid of individual responsibility. For you see, as a failed artist, I still believe that culture is something that must be infinitely renewed. It must be forever in flux. Culture must never stand still. Oh. And btw. If culture bores like life bores, then it’s time to address the free-flow of your economic juices. Oooops! I guess I’m way to late giving out that advice, eh?

Having been born and raised in the united mistakes of American’t, I really thought I had seen it all regarding how humans can consume so much – and more importantly living for the politics that facilitates and enables that consumption. But then I expatriated to the wonders of Eurowasteland – where consuming is the same difference – but with a megalomaniacal twist. Take the automobile as an example. According to research and some personal experience, about 60% of all luxury cars consumed in the Eurowastestate of Das Volk are paid for by government. That is, in order for all the fancy Audi, BMW and Mercedes to drive on the autobahn the government has to subsidize them first. What that means is, these cars would otherwise never be consumed. In other words, the costs of cars cannot be covered by the spendable income of Das Volk (period). Alone the impact of near zero car consumption is practically an unfathomable situation that not even politics could deal with it. This requires a bit comparison, perhaps. American’ts deal with the same problem (spendable income for cars) but their answer is increasing and/or manipulating consumer credit and allowing a centralized and privileged banking system to control it. The Eurowastelanders have long since nipped the banking trick in the bud (mostly in the form of controlling consumer credit but also negating the need for speculative banking to impose itself on the economy as a whole) and so Eurowastelanders redistribute the burden of financing consumption where there is no disposable income – in this case car consumption – to the tax payer. Ultimately the tricks both sides of the Atlantic use work well. What makes them interesting though is how far each system can go without the roof caving in. Brilliant, eh! – nomatter what side of the pond you’re on.

But the wonders of Eurowastelanders and their Governesses doesn’t stop with their love of taxation. Once Das Volk is able to get a car they have another problem. Imagine a government so big, so omnipresent, so (in)capable that it must arbitrate the legality of being able to wash a car, the existence of which could not be possible if it hadn’t controlled the taxation of its flock in order make that car in the first place. Think about what that implies – beyond the whole idear that Governesses control everything. Indeed, there is actually a law prohibiting washing cars on Sunday. (Why do I feel the need to repeat that a dozen times?) And do you know why you can’t wash your car on Sunday? Because if Das Volk could wash their cars on Sunday the entire “continent” would dissolve from the face of the earth due to the amount of surfactant the ground can (cannot?) absorb.

(On a little tangent here. Am I the only one to ask why is it that Das Volk, who have a tradition of building great automobiles, do not have one single alternative powered car on the road? Could it have something to do with that fact that electric cars probably in their first few versions won’t be able to go through a carwash anyway. It all has to do with those batteries, you know. I don’t know about you but I can’t wait for the first string of short circuits that awaits us all. Oh, and another thing while I’m on this tangent. Why is it that Das Volk does not have one alternative powered car while the Asians and American’ts do?)

Oh. I must digress.

So what am I getting at here with all these wild and incoherent rants about Eurowasteland, their cars, bad weather and their desire to noun-ify everything that could have political and economic meaning if the verb in it could be released? How ‘bout this: it’s all about dealing with the reality of Übergovernment. As a born and reared American’t and byproduct of a misconstrued generation that is between the boomer and the X-ers, there is something to the idear of wanting government to be… How should I put this so that any Eurowastlander will get it? (Short pause; take deep breadth.) You see, American’ts all believe in one thing and one thing only. I mean, it might be hard to believe, but they really do have one thing in common – other than that stupid pledge of allegiance. They want government to be… less. I’m not talking the same kind of mindless less that is propagated by the wingnuts of the political right in the united mistakes. The fact is, I’ve experienced both sides of the Atlantic and the Governesses the two can come up with – and it’s been an eye opening extravaganza, to say that least. Eurowasteland has a politic that is the best example yet of the Social lie fulfilled – including the lie of a functioning Übergovernment. In other words, Eurowasteland, in all her pseudo-communist, neo-aristocratic worship of heredity rights glory, has enabled and facilitated a comfort zone so great (subsidized corporate Audis for everyone – Jawohl!) that Das Volk can’t help but accept the monstrosity of a governess with huge, luscious milky teats that sometimes secrete really, really good wine.

In contrast, so that a bit of perspective can be maintained here, while the Eurowastelanders bask in their special kind of apathetic misery blinded by the shine of Audis and BMW trademarks, Das Volk from the united mistakes must bask in a similar misery of experimental political extremism where reality is so distorted that most American’ts can no longer tell the difference between purple clouds of the mind’s eye and purple unicorns running across pools of endless political hydrocarbons. Or. Put another way. American’ts are so politically stupid that they actually believe – as a contrast to Eurowasteland’s love of Socialism – that Capitalism is a political system.

OMFG! Have I lost you totally dear worst-reader?

I should admit now that I spend most of my time reading and studying about American’t Übergovernment because, unlike Eurowasteland, at least the American’t side – as bad and extreme as it is – has a left-right discourse which might be stupid but it ain’t boring. Beyond that, all the political discourse of American’t – especially post George Dubya Dispshit Bush – as blatantly ignorant and reactionary as it may be, at least exists inside a place that people can identify with. I wonder at times if the Eurowastelanders have all given up on politics because they have no connection to one another – or if Brussels is just so far away from the diversity that once was Europe. Eurowastelanders have attached themselves to renewed mother-state umbilical chords. They have no desire to challenge the consequence of so much apathy and submissiveness in the context of uniting as a people. They just stay hooked to mama and in the case of Das Volk, stay hooked to sauerkraut and state funded fancy cars. Yeah, baby. Comfort is good. Sucking on wine giving teats is great, too. Oh, and everyone has healthcare that they can drive to with their fancy new A4.

Another digression? Ok.

Let me try to get back to what I was hoping would be a thesis (but have obviously really, really screwed up). I am gallantly failing to address the idear of discourse and boredom and how Eurocrats have used it as a form of convention to tame what was left of the wildness prior to the great wars. Discourse and boredom are two things that obviously work well together when mixed properly (by three Shakespearean witches, of course). In the right context these two elements have taken on the same happy-face symbolism as a fat buddha or a shinning tao or a t-shirt that everybody wants to wear as though every work day were casual Friday. Of the major western industrialized countries, Das Volk of Eurowasteland has proven itself to be the ultimate locomotive of controlling the train of political chaos which should be the summit of socialism. It does this through a quelling of interest by saturating a highly educated but dumbed-down Volk with the infinite beauty of boredom embodied by the misconceptions of history and culture. In fact, everything has stood so still since the advent of Eurowasteland that perhaps a new form of life has emerged. This is a life form that has nothing to do with chemical reactions or biology. It is life in the form of an idear. Seriously. Anthropologists are getting doctorates in this stuff. There is reason behind the fact that, ultimately, it was Das Volk that gave the world Karl Marx and, of course, in the form of a German maternal grandmother conversion from Jew to Russian Orthodox, Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. It seems that these two men and their essence, perhaps an essence that goes as deep as DNA, is impossible to purge. And so. Eurowasteland Governesses and of course it’s newly anointed coinage that is the evil-twin of the Deutsch Mark, is all that is left. Life bureaucratic anew. The idear has become real.  Culture is at a stand still. Yes. Germans lost the war. Fascism won. And the new Führer of everything is: Boredom!


Part 1. (2007-10-19 05:33)

Suggestion for getting Eurowasteland out of the sickening boredom that is the core to its political turmoil. Hot MILFs! Yeah, baby. Put them in charge of saving Eurowasteland? Let’s bring a little excitement into this mess that is Euroboredom. Let’s talk about something that Eurowastelanders have given the world. Mothers I’d Like To Fuck. But first. Do you know why the institution of marriage no longer requires official sanctioning by religion? I mean, the Eurowastelanders did start this trend – just most other superficial and meaningless trends that have only to do with how a person looks. The reason is simple. Religion has been replaced by law – which is code for big government. Once religion lost its hold on controlling people (thanks a lot to Eurowasteland for that, too!) something had to step in to replace it. Marriage is the perfect mechanism to prevent women from running around voicing opinions that are equally as stupid as men. The planet just can’t take double the stupidity. Marriage is the single best way of controlling the female voice, not to mention all the other stuff, including – and this is very important – married men. Marriage is also the single best way of turning the brilliance of life giving nature into a commodity that can be owned – and ownership is something that women seem to adore as a form of comfort and safety. It’s just like the laws governing property ownership. Seriously. The process of procreation, btw, and just like marriage, is a process enabled and meant not to serve the species but instead to serve the Governesses that rule everything. I mean, come on, think about it. What’s the best way to preoccupy half of humanity and thereby ease the control of the other half? Turn that half into something that is completely controlled by the unforgiving consequence of biology. Who is gonna stand up and emancipate from that? Are the feminists gonna do it? I think they’re busy with something else – and it’s probably called emancipation. Yeah, baby. The best way to assure that political discourse doesn’t get out-of-hand as, let’s say, Marx & Lenin caused it to get, is to make sure that females don’t cross the line established by patriarchy. So. Let’s blog about blond, blue-eyed, hot German MILFs and how they can add some fizzle to the boredom of Eurowaste State discourse.

The name of the anti-boredness? Eva Hermann. Talk about beauty. She has face that can make a statue cum. And. She is the author of books. A chick with a face like hers and she can write books? I gladly admit here, as statuesque as I am, she could even make a fuddy-duddy like me cum. (The book, btw, has a pink cover; just thought I’d add that for the sake of posterity.) Anywho. In 2006 Eva Hermann was promoting her newest book. Since she is a relatively famous news anchorwoman, half the promotional work was easy. The problem is, she forgot her place in the grand scheme of things. Like most stupid males that gave the world stupid (and boring) politics, our lovely MILF didn’t think twice about promoting Nazi family values in order to sell her book – which had something to do with women and children. These values, as she professed them, should be and subsequently have become part of the boring political discourse of Das Volk. Of course, my German girlfriend says, ”that’s not what she said”. What my German girlfriend fails to understand is that, often, and perhaps disproportionately, it is not what a German says that matters. What matters is what is perceived that a German says. Tough pill to swallow, eh. And most certainly not a boring pill.

Eva Hermann is running her trap on the back of a book she wrote that is trying to push the clock back on, IMHO, releasing half the population from the chains of political stupidity and thereby – hopefully – doing something positive for mankind. On top of that, during a TV appearance, she refused to apologize for remarks she made about how much better the Nazis cared for families. Now don’t go ballistic on me for judging her book even though I haven’t read it. For one thing, my book reading list is too long and I’m simply not interested in German MILF’s writing non-fiction books with pink covers. Another thing is, this is a blog where I can write anything I want and I really like bitchin’ about (having) to live in the lie that is Eurowasteland – which generously embodied by hot blondes that would be better off making old men cum by sending them perfectly glossed promotion photos.

I can tell you first hand that the females of Das Volk are in a pickle of a situation in this new century. Either they shut up and do what they’ve been trying to emancipate from for the paste 100 (?) years or they join the ranks of hotness that gives too many young men obsessed with Internet porn boners. Yeah, baby Euro MILFs could overwhelm servers like no other. And. I don’t think a woman like Eva Hermann are gonna help the situation that perhaps women don’t want to be placed in yet another useless corner of a political boxing ring fought by the other half.

Fortunately Das Volk has been reared by Weiber. These Weiber literally rebuilt a defeated and bombed-out nation. So it’s really no question who in the lie that is the family of Das Volk wears the pants. Having said that, many career oriented and ambitious Weiber (my girlfriend, my ex-wife, and various other Tussies from my past) are very dominating females. (What can I say, I dig chicks that for what ever reason act like men). And that’s probably a good thing – because it’s kept me from being the starving artist that I was meant to be. On the other hand, this is the reason I am in complete contempt of females trying to get old words of the past placed in the arena of the future and dressing up such a dirty deed by utilizing the aftermath of biology. Motherhood is not an entitlement – unless, of course, you believe in the social lie that is Eurowasteland – which my best guess is exactly what a female like Eva Hermann believes (even though the press might make you think that she believes more in Magda Goebbels). It’s also well worth mentioning my disappointment in the male portion of Das Volk. The anglo world needs to add more to it’s vocabulary in order to understand how things work among Das Volk and the males that occupy it. It’s not enough to watch car commercials and learn words like Fahrvergnügen or think of the near-past misinterpretation of the word Doppelgänger or Blitzkrieg. So let me provide a word for all: Schlapschwanz. Indeed. The Eva Hermann’s and Schlapschwänze are ruling Das Volk and subsequently the mess that is Eurowasteland. And to what end?

Oh my. Lions and tigers and bears. Oh my. Lions and tigers and bears. Oh my.

Women in Eurowasteland have to play more than a duel-role these days. I’m sure to the admiration of other pacified socialist countries, Das Volk is playing the globalization game with gusto and they are admired for it. Although I’m not sure other countries can put so many luxury cars on the road the same way the same way Das Volk does it. But it cannot be overlooked how Das Volk is managing their success. They do it by assuming, based on gender, that an outdated idear is the solution. And as the game whines down, as the apex of the pyramid lengthens and stretches and the base widens and becomes more dense, there is less and less of the pie to split between the extremes. And so. The easiest of all possible political routes is adopted. Men run to their role with the assumption that they are men. How archaic and devoid of merit; how exemplary and submissive. What a perfect fit in a place joyously obsessed with Übergovernment based on women who fail to realized that procreation is no longer a wonder but instead a disease. Gender determines politics and politics determines the boredom that rules everything.

The saying goes that the first casualty of war is the truth. If that’s the case then what is the first casualty of failed Socialism cloaked under the guise of favored Übergovernment? Isn’t it amazing how so many in the west are willing to give up the innate human right of choice and by default facilitate political boredom? In a period in history where you have to calculate whether or not you can afford a family, especially when there’s so much gluttony in our political and social system, I guess it’s no wonder that we’ve long since given up on progress and creating more and better choices (politically).

In terms of feminism, civil rights, habeas corpus…, the irony here stinks to the hilt! And so. Das Volk try to change the subject and avoid what really is important by perverted lust for cum driving faces. Eurowasteland is struggling so intensely with trying to keep the ”family” intact while misconstrued economic policies eat away at its foundation, that there is little choice anymore for the womb-laden to decide a fate. Men, who are wrongly running the show in Germany, are Schlapschwänze. And now, according to a MILF anchorwoman, females are rightly being ridiculed for saying that Uncle Adolf and his cronies enabled families to have a nice life because you could leave your bicycle unlocked on the street and it wouldn’t get stolen. Yea. The result of too much boredom has to be stupidity.

The whole of contemporary Eurowasteland is falling apart under the lie that is Social-Market-Economics. And all there is in the political discourse are MILFs who can run their trap a bit too much so she can sell a book with an ugly pink cover. Why doesn’t Das Volk deal with something more important? Like raise a few more taxes, create more ingenious bottle deposit schemes, or… say something very loud about why women in Islam have to be covered from head to toe. Oh. Eva Hermann, you dip-shit, why can’t you say something worthwhile to sell your book – something that might steer the political discourse in the right direction?


Rant on.