Brake Driving

There are two (more) things today to say about driving on the Autobahn. Well, actually, there are a lot more things to be said but I don’t feel like typing so much this morn. For example. If you ever want to know how Germany works, you know, as a way to figure out why such a little country in the middle of Eurowasteland, compared to its compatriots of the blue and gold flag of Brussels, is doing relatively well compared to the other gold stars of said flag, look no further. Look only to the Autobahn. The Autobahn is the perfect metaphor for describing, figuring out, what Germaninland is all about and how it functions. So today, dear wurst-reader, we will focus on two words that fit best to this metaphor–I mean, fit best to describing the Germania.

Two worst-words of the day plus an added bonus.

  • Geil
  • Krapp
  • There is no evolution in the here and now. In other words, there is good reason you cannot perceive evolution as it happens directly under your feet for it is the space that most Eurowastelanders walk on, the space between the(ir) arrogance and the rotted ground they have sown through out history. Here we have the true meaning behind the myth that is the non-metaphorical Pandora’s box. But there are some that believe Pandora was a lie to begin with. A lie that was perpetrated to steer the Automaton mind from the truth. For the box is coded and within it is the soul. That’s right. The soul of humanity. Prosit!

Ok. Let’s focus. Did you know that in Tommi’s version of the Germanin language Geil and Krapp are the same difference? These are two wonderful words. Within them is an incapsulated, or is it embeded, I can’t tell those words apart since the start of oil wars, oh well. Anywho. In these words is a meaning that goes beyond the here and now. Within them life’s secrets exist and without them there would be no green coloured ice-cream or the plasticky feel to the metal Apple uses for its products. Nor would there be Würst.

The first, Geil, is basically the/a feeling you get when you have the hots for something or someone.

  • Ex. 1a: He thinks that Lamborghini is so geil… er könnte das Ding sofort besteigen.
  • Ex. 2a: She whisked her hair in my face and I felt so geil I could… leck die/der/das Schmalz vom ihren Ohren.

Krapp is a word I am proud to claim as my own. That is, I think, kinda, that I coined it. Wait. I may have stole it from a play–or maybe I stole it from the anger one feels when confronted with certain realities of life and the living-death of an automaton existence. Or did I just invent it and forget how? Nomatter. It deals with the same feeling as Geil but instead of there being the hots you get the colds. And. Better put for the layman, krapp is something doesn’t attract but instead distracts. Capisce!

  • Ex. 1b: He couldn’t decide which he wanted more, the girl or the Lamborghini… und das findet er krapp.
  • Ex. 2b: Just as he was about to undo the snap on her bra while kissing heated earlobes… er merkt das Sie eine Menge krapp hinter ihre Ohren hatte.

So when you drive the Autobahn for the first time it’s a rush like no-other. The first time I drove it was in a rental car. I think it was an Opel Vectra. Damn thing drove just like a cheap Chevy but it also drove, once you got it going, like a bat outta hell. Cute little four cylinder huffing and puffing but rolling that thing along at around 180kmh. And that was well over twenty years ago. I eventually graduated to driving the Autobahn with one of the toys proud to claim: made in Germany. (Opel is GM owned.) The first time I drove a Quattro I thought I finally made it. The world can come to an end–but not by driving. In fact, it could end as long as I could drive that damn car to oblivia. (Don’t worry, ‘oblivia’ is another word I invented. So just go with it.) But eventually something happened. I think, in part, that something has to do with the German birth-rate. Then there’s the idear of driving the German Autobahn for twenty years. That’s the amount of time where one can look back and claim: Die Zeiten ändern sich. Indeed, times have changed. As ambiguous as that is, one thing is clear: When time changes and has no direct effect on humanity, that change is usually good. Evolution has clearly not been a comforting process. When time changes and you’re in the change, that’s usually not good. That is, you are in one way or other paying for that change. So it never ceases to amaze (me) when driving on some of the best roads, with the best mass produced cars, with people who pay out the ying-yang to get a license to even drive, driving on the Autobahn sucks batballs! And why is that? Because the Germanins have all the above but are missing one important thing that could/should/would make it all coalesce if only they’d all stop driving with their brakes.


Rant on.