Is You Stupid

pug couchSecurity, security, security, privacy. Security, security, security, privacy. Selfies! And don’t forget the pictures your loving boyfriend took of you while you were preparing for a modeling gig or a movie and you just happened to be in the buff at that moment and not that sexy underwear from the company that should be paying you for what is about to happen and then forgetting to turn off automatic backup of your iCloud photos. Cause you’re about to be… Hacked. And so. Let me put this as best I can. Celebrities please get your shit together and realize that understanding the Cloud isn’t all that difficult. Also. Celebrities stop competing with all the other gurls cause your famous selfies take all the clicks away.

The good news? The hack of recent images of naked celebrities isn’t very sophisticated. The bad news? This probably won’t change the behavior of people who get their rocks off with vanity, narcissism, self-promotion and an undying need to fulfill basic male (also female) desires to see those we put on pedestals naked. But that’s neither here nor there. The thing that gets to me about this new “scandal” is the fact that no one can come up with an explanation of how the hack happened. Other than, as previously stated, it wasn’t very sophisticated. That is, the hacker didn’t pull all these photos with one dump, nor did he break any encryption code. Instead, it seems to have been done over time and by accessing the files of iCloud backups from iPhones which are automated by Apple and thereby taking advantage of something as simple as “did you forgot your password?”

To help you with this post, dear worst-reader, just keep this worst-thought in mind about protecting your data: If you have data that you want to keep private then don’t put it on a network. As of 2014 the Cloud is the network–and USB storage drives are dirt cheap at your local tech store. But here’s the real thing about the recent barrage of celebrity nakedness that has been presented to the world: so the fuck what! I mean, come on. Paris Hilton makes a vid jerking her boyfriend off and he cums in her face. And who’s the chick with the huge butt who also made amateur porn and now she’s all over every tabloid you can buy at every grocery store check-out counter where you have to fight off your kid’s desire for a snickers bar. The Pam and Tommi video? Oh heck, what about all the porn on the Internet? I have to admit, being male, I’ve seen some of that porn. The thing I quickly realized after seeing it, though, is that not only am I getting too old for that sort of thing, but the imagery distresses me, it makes me cringe what boys and girls are doing these days. What ever happened to a good old fashion fuck in bed, under the covers, lights out, good night? Oh. Wait. That’s not porn, is it? No. Now it’s all BDSM or DP or Cumpilation, etc. Wow!

Still. I am truly surprised at how the objectification of the human female could get any worse than super-8 films of the 70s. But I guess we need to thank networks or the grand Interwebnets for that. Indeed. Female objects are every where, they are at every click, every search, every search result–and the effect they have–just as porn effects–is now commonplace. I guess it’s as commonplace as the pharmaceuticals that keep the masses going. And what about the debt everyone seems to live for? And so. If you ask me, in these days of extremes, a privacy breach of celeb nakedness or not, something feels different about this throw-down of self-promotion that is working as well as the previous one. For that’s truly what this is all about, right worst-reader? It’s not about privacy. It’s not about Jennifer Lawrence and all her gorgeous glory. And it’s most certainly not about morality and ethical behavior.

But what the hell do I know. The most significant thing about this hack is the fact that no one really knows how the hacker pulled it off. Yet I’m sure they’ll eventually find him and he’ll get some jail time. Until then there are still some PCs and tablets out there that haven’t seen Jennifer Lawrence in all her gorgeous glory. But I think I already said that. Wow!


Actually We Know Nothing So Far | TechCrunch

Security Experts Are Gonna Give Us The Answer. Not. | The Guardian

Time For The World To Put Hand In Candy Jar | The Verge

Where Are The Answers | LA Times

If We Knew Anything | The Verge

Rant on.