Don't Even Think About It

adblue diesel still not clean

audi a5 front
She does have a nice grin, don’t she.

Well, dear worst-reader, so much for jokesters and hamsters. As I tried to say here, it would be fun if car makers–especially those who lie to us about emissions–had a sense of humour. But then again, how can one have a sense of humour when you know that society can do nothing to you for your crimes? Or maybe that’s a reason to have a sense of humour? Nomatter. This worst-post is just a follow-up to my post about VW, the lie of emissions and what probably should be my last diesel powered car. And as I also worst-said, I ordered what should be my last diesel last spring, even though I was stunted by the fact that during the car shopping faze, I could have chosen a gasoline (otto motor) powered car. In my confusion I was kinda happy to go ‘head and take one last diesel. Remember, nature is my servant, and there is something über about a 3.0ltr, six cylinder, 240hp, 460 torque motor in a car built on an aluminium chassis with full-time all-wheel drive (quattro). With that in mind, and after driving around in my new Audi, it was time for her first fill-up. And what do I see when I open that little hatch. That’s right, another frickin’ hatch. As you can see in the pic above, I have celebrated too soon regarding my lust for turning nature into my bitch. This new Audi is indeed not the nature trashing beast that my previous Audi was. Yeah, baby. My last Audi (AllRoad)–one of Audi’s worst cars, btw–had only one orifice for filling it’s diesel lust. That single orifice is the reason that VW will pay so few taxes in the coming years. What? What does lying about emissions and orifices have to do with taxes? Well, I’m glad you asked. Recalling cars has become part of the gluttonous way multi-nationals have to run their businesses. Ralf Nader refers to it as recycled tax money. For you see, all these multi-nationals have to do is claim to pay fines and fees whereby they simply make a few changes on their income statements that reflect less revenues and hence fewer profits for whatever given year. Since taxes are rendered based on revenues and profits, they pay less tax. (Short pause. Breath.) I know. I know. I’m trivialising something that is much more complex. But that’s the thing about being worst-writer. I not only can dish out the bullshit but I can cut through it just the same. Oh well. I’m off subject, as usual. Check out the pic above, dear worst-reader. It’s my first tank fill on my new Audi A5. And what do I find? That’s right. There it is. There’s the other orifice that VW hopes to retrofit all of those diesel powered cars that it illegally sold by lying to customers about emissions. All new VW (and Audi) diesels have this extra orifice. They are conveniently labeled “AdBlue”. In this orifice goes a special chemical, about eight gallons of it. Gee, I wonder what PR/Advert company earned millions on figuring out that spiffy name? The technical acronym for this stuff is DEF, which stands for diesel exhaust fluid. But the real world term for it is piss. That’s right dear worst-reader. The main chemical in DEF, which is mixed with diesel exhaust prior to entering the catalytic converter, is urea. The main substance in urea is nitrogen and all mammals produce it in their urine. Urea reduces the emission of nitrogen dioxide in diesel exhaust–which is pretty hazardous stuff. Are we thankful for what these engineers can come up with in our time of need? Do/Can we appreciate their concern about our health and welfare? I mean. Why the hell couldn’t they just make it so that we could piss in our cars? I mean. Seriously. Does profit have to be made on everything? I mean. That’s what having another orifice where something manufactured has to go into is all about. Or? I guess the powers-that-be are so angry that they can’t charge humanity for breathing air means that they then feel no remorse when resorting to the most silly forms of profiteering that coincides with lying about emissions. Indeed. But before you whip out your slick-willy and take gentle aim at that little orifice, heed this: human urine only has between 2-4% urea. DEF has something like 30%. Wow. We pissers can’t get a break. Rant on. -tommi