The Bouncing Oysters From Middle Rhine


See those little air bubbles? Well, I’ve finally managed to get a pic of this rare oyster species. It’s called the Rhine River Jumping Oyster. No. Seriously. It’s an oyster that jumps. When the oyster is, for whatever reason, out of water those little air bubbles grow and expand and can be used to move it around in very ingenious ways. When you find the oysters on the shores of the Rhine it’s usually due to…

  • The Rhine is exceptionally low (as it is now).
  • To avoid being attacked by prey it propels itself out of the way of danger (not unlike German women–even when they’re not prey).

Indeed. This particular oyster’s prey avoidance trickery has gone haywire. I followed it around for a few moments while walking Beckett, The Killer Pug, along the Rhine the other day. It was batting itself all around the shore till, suddenly, like a bullet out of Sig Sauer, it shot up into the sky and while in the sky it let out a second burst of propulsion, albeit in total misdirection, and landed on the sidewalk on top of the Rhein dike where I was walking killer. Everything happened so fast I was unable to film it. Actually that’s not true. I’m such a dunce with modern tech that, although I did try to film it, I had the camera lens set to selfie mode. I managed to fix my hair at the same time I was chasing this thing around. At least I did get a pic (above). Neat, eh? Of course, obviously, there’s one issue this creature must deal with when it uses its unique propulsion. Sometimes, don’t you know, it propels itself right out of its shell. In this case, losing its shell in midair meant that the shell landed in the Rhine but its innards on the road. Luckily I was able to snap this quick pick before a bird came along and snapped up a delicacy. Or maybe not.

Rant on.


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