… The German, with a heavy accent, asks Tim in broken English, “wahn kahn ik pey myna bahr drink mit apple pey in Deutschland?”
The Jew, who is also the bartender getting ready to start his shift, turns to Tim, greets him by showing him the red dot on his new Apple Watch, and says, “don’t worry, Tim. We’ll let you know when you can.”
Now. Before any worst-reader gets all hot n’ bothered with my Semitic and stereotype joke, heed this: having lived among the Germans (the Huns) since the late 1980s, I think I can tell you why Germans hated Jews so much. It’s really very simple and not as complex as Hitler loving a$$holes the world over would have you otherwise think. The reason the Germans (back then) hated the Jews was because the Jews, of all the peoples of Europe that were integrating into tribes through out the (insert your favorite number of centuries here), the Jews were the ones that had the most success at life. That is, it was never about Jews running or owning banks, it was never about financing wars (with banks they either owned or didn’t own), and it certainly wasn’t about babies being devoured by long, pointy nosed werwolf type dudes or dudettes! No. The Jews simply had their shit together as a tight-nit group–that happened to be somewhat different than the onslaught of WASP/Christian-ism that was struggling so hard to find meaning (in anything) other than greed mongering as espoused by their own killing of the/their Christ/God. I mean, get this. As a family, Jews stayed together. As business owners, they stayed together there too. As achievers, they achieved like no other. (How easy it is to forget the achievements of artists, musicians, scientist of those days–who were all, thank God, Jews!) The Germans and many other Europeans, at the time, were nothing but a horde of ugly, disgusting, farting, fat-ass, knuckle dragging pseudo-religious $hitbags that couldn’t get by on their own wit because, well, they had no wit. And so, as WASP/Christian-ism tried to deal with the self-perpetuating greed of feudalism turning to capitalism, Jews simply already had the/a right/correct formula for life. They believed in something other than just money, they believed in something other than just pseudo-wealth and/or patriarchal power that they could impose on others. And so… How admirable is that? In other words, the reason Germans and so many Europeans hated Jews (to the point of murdering six million of them FOR NO GODDAMN REASON) was because they were all jealous and spiteful and moronic and ugly and disgusting and knuckle dragging… and and and… Oh look. It’s Donald J. Trump. He’s the new best of the best in the knuckle dragging tradition of a fail-upwards European aristocratic Wasp/Christian-isms that can’t seem to die-off–when indeed they should. But I digress.
How the article below (and screenshot above) got me thinking about Jews, Germans and the fact that Apple Pay is still not available in Germany but is available in Kazakhstan…? Oh well. Maybe what I’m really thinking about is that Jewish girlfriend I once had. Boy was she sweet. And she had such a nice family, too. I really liked her dad. In fact, he was the first guy that introduced me to computers. I’ll never forget those floppy disks and the way they slid into slots at the front of that IBM behemoth and then he hit the start switch at the back of the machine and it made a loud click and immediately hummed to life. After him telling me all about operating systems, floppy disks and boot-ram, etc, Gwendolyn and I finally went out on our date. (Note: names have been changed to protect the innocent.) That night after we made love in a park and I shot my goo all over her three times, she asked me if I was done searching for her red dot.
“Your what,” I asked as I was recovering with the hopes of going at it again.
“I think it’s time you find my red dot or I won’t let you almost die of happiness a fourth time,” she said.
Boy, was she sweet.
Link that motivated this post:
One thought on “A German, A Jew, And Tim Cook Walk Into A Bar”
Did you get into the family? Did you convert? Did you find the red dot or dot the eyes? This story needs a sequel written.