Die Flinte Ins Korn Werfen

Screenshot of an email I received.

Tech stuff I hate. Where to begin? I hate the fact that any sort of decent to exaggerated information processing is eventually owned by the software that processes it. In other worst-words: I really hate the fact that if/when I create a document in, say, Microsoft Word or Apple Pages or Wordprocessor XYZ, that document is, for all practical purposes, owned by the software. This is one of the great errors of the tech world. This error not only applies to silly word processing but also to picture manipulators, videos, operating system, file systems, etc. , etc. Another thing I hate about technology is how patenting is used to secure idears and/or innovation. Innovation or idears is kinda the ticket to technology, don’t you know.  The reason there ain’t more innovation and idears is because, well, a$$holes can easily stop it all by claiming patent rights. One more thing I hate, and I’ll stop with this one, is printing. I hate printers. I especially hate colour printers. In these times of technology run amok where we all run around with mini super computers in the form of smart-phones, what the hell do we need printers for (anymore)? Of course, since I’m not the one to determine my better-half’s wants and needs, I’m unable to rid our household of owning a printer. I did manage to get rid of owning a colour printer last year, though. I guess that is some form of consolation–towards my hate of stupid technologies. It took a bit of heavy-handed convincing and one-sided sexual gratification to convince my better half that if she has to have a printer, for goodness sake, at least let me just get a simple black & white laser printer. Night after night of focusing on her tickler–one night even getting her to scream–which I haven’t been able to do for quite some time–she acquiesced. Six (or so) months ago I bought a relatively compact brand-x laser printer. To further my surprise at my better half’s acceptance, and after numerous print jobs, she’s actually pleased with her new and very crisp b&w prints–prints of God knows what. Of course, now the time has come to replace the printer toner. As it is to be expected, toner for this little laser printer is f’n expensive–if you buy if from brand-x. If you buy toner, on the other hand, from a third party, though, it’s reasonably priced–albeit still too expensive. So I ordered a toner cartridge that is supposed to enable sixty-thousand pages of printing. Cost? About 40,-€. The same toner cartridge from brand-x is double that. Of course, I’m not saying anything new here, eh worst-reader. Printers and printer toner is a scam. So get this. To my surprise, before arrival of our new toner cartridge, I received an email from the non-brand-x toner company. And what an appealing email it is. In short and in Tom’s worst-writer translation, here’s what it says (abridged):

 Dear Customer, 

Careful with printer software updates: alternative printer toner cartridges don’t work anymore after updates. 

  1. After a updating printer software your alternative printer cartridge might not work anymore. … So don’t update.
  2. What do printer manufacturers do? … Money, greed, money, greed, etc.
  3. What can consumers do? … Don’t update your fcuking printer you consume-to-survive a$$hole! (Ok, that last part is a worst-writer add-on.)

Red underlined text from 3: Printer manufacturers should not tell customers which printer toner cartridges they can use.

But the best part of the email is that it also taught me a German idiom that I’d never used before: 

Red underlined text (bottom): Werfen sie nicht die Finte ins Korn = Don’t throw in the towel. If the cartridge doesn’t work call and we’ll find a solution. 

I think that’s pretty damn cool and even give Amazon less of a YOU SUCK designation for allowing such an email. I hope it pisses brand-x off, too. 

Rant on.

-T

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