Ununderstanding Or Toilet Paper Saga

wet wipes

A previous worst-post about ununderstanding is here.

Asked my wife the other morn, dear worst-reader, what the hell does the graphic mean in the pic above. Do you know what she said? That’s right. She said: “I don’t know either.” At which point I turned to her and complained, once again,: “What the hell is your Abitur for?”

For the worst-life of me, dear worst-reader, I don’t get what the graphic on the back of a wet-wipes package that I recently bought is about. What the heck is toilet paper > wet wipes > toilet paper supposed to mean? Of course, it doesn’t really matter. For. Don’t you know. There’s currently an issue with toilet paper in the (western) world. Go figure, eh. But that’s not the reason why, instead of buying the usual two-pack I bought two two-packs the other day of wet-wipes. (Why didn’t I buy more?) Indeed. I bought them because, well, my dog, Beckett-the killer pug, requires them for his under-carriage. He has what I like to call an artificial pee-pee-hole1. I use wet-wipes to wipe my dog after every walk (three x day) so that our house doesn’t smell like…

But what of this issue with toilet paper in the western-world during an ugly flu pandemic that caused me to buy a few more wet-wipes? One theory that comes to my worst-mind–and perhaps it’s somewhat motivated in the conversations I’ve been having with person A though B through Zed–is this: why panic over toilet paper? Well, here’s a few worst-thoughts on the issue:

  1. One person said it’s because all the old people who are dying are dying with the memories of a world, a world they think is theirs, where toilet paper was scarce (when they were young).
  2. Another person said that toilet paper represents the gap between boredom and achievement when people are forced to face their useless-eating habits without the false (fake) work ethic that is compulsive behaviourism.
  3. In a world where the meek-masses COULD have all the power but rather heed that power to others (western democratic politics) because they can’t face the truth about their useless-eating albeit privileged lives compared to that of a newer generation, then wiping their asses is a last achievement before they die.
  4. Wiping their asses without soiling themselves is the last great achievement of both the greatest generation and #OKBoomer because, well, look at all else they’ve done that has culminated in not just SARS-2 but also #Trump, President Pee-Pee-Hair.
  5. Etc., etc.

But I digress.

Rant on.


  1. One day, about five or six years ago, we realised that our dog wasn’t peeing. I rushed him off to the Vet who immediately informed us that we had two hours to make up our mind. Either we put the dog to sleep or allow him to perform an operation that would re-route his urinary tract as the natural tract was kaputt due to clogging. ↩︎