The iOS Regime

Can’t update because you made it obsolete. Bitches!

Ok. As you may or may not have worst-read, dear worst-reader, I’m an Apple fanboy. Well. I am until I boot-up my Raspberry Pi and get lost in Linux. #Nomatter. The thing about Apple is, I like MacOS. Is it the best operating system? Don’t know. It is the best of the worst, I’ll give it that. That worst-said. I can’t stand iOS. I mean. I really hate it. How Apple has been able to get away with this sandboxed, top-down, un-intuitive mobile and small device operating system, shouldn’t surprise me–but it does. Of course. It was always Steve Jobs intention to lock things down and only make things available via Cupertino central services. iOS does this best. This tyranny harks back to the original Mac days. You know. Jobs literally created a new screw (or something) that required a tool that only Apple had so that no one could open the Mac and fiddle with its insides. You know. Jobs wanted to hinder the whole idear that made the personal computer a hit in the first place. But that was the early to mid 80s. Flash to now and worst-writer has to beg the question: have things changed?

The only reason I own an iPhone is because it does three things. First. It’s a phone. We all (kinda) need a phone, right. Second it’s a great audio/podcast device when I walk Beckett, the killer pug. And third? It’s a pretty good mobile internet device. Now. I know. I know. It has a great camera on it and if you like you can even make movies with it. Heck, you can use it as a recording studio or movie editing platform. Whoopi. But what good is all that tech–if it’s not used? Wow. Ok. I’m getting into real whacky territory here. Moving on.

Why do so many people have so many apps on their iPhones? For. Don’t you know, dear worst-reader. Apps are nothing but silly little programs that connect to the #Interwebnets. The only difference to traditional computers and connecting to the world, isn’t the fact that you can do PC stuff on a phone. No. The reason there’s so much potential on a simple little phone is because the friggin eco-system is owned and controlled and centralised and basta! Oh. And let’s not forget. There’s no way out–once you’re in. Hence I prefer MacOS for any productivity or work (and I’m seriously considering dumping it all for linux–but that’s a whole ‘nother worst-post). Put another worst-way. Apple has finally created another dream device where it owns the key, the tools, the innards, everything. That’s life, eh.

I only have two screens available on my iPhone. In those two screens I have four folders with a few apps in them. The only apps I use on a regular basis are those available from Apple. You know. Podcasting. Mail. Contacts. Etc. Although few & far between, the third-party apps I use include the Covid warning app. AdGuard to block obnoxious advertising when I use Safari. DHL for tracking packages. Etc., etc. My worst-point is, I think I’m pretty frugal when it comes to loading stuff on this device. I’ve never attempted to make a movie. I rarely use the camera and more and more it’s only used for scanning or taking picture of information. My point with this convoluted paragraph is that the iPhone, as smart as it is, is actually kinda stupid. But I die-gress.

Ok. Good. Let’s get to where this worst-post is supposed to be going.

The pic above is a recent screenshot from when I tried to setup Apple’s new Account Recovery Contact. Now. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to set up the service. Reason? That’s right, you guessed it, although my iPhone has the latest iOS update, my beloved stainless steel Apple Watch 2, does not. And so. You want to know how your device is made obsolete? In all my tech years obsoletism has never been out in the open. The people running these companies that make this krapp probably never even talk about it. It just happens. And it’s obviously very convenient for profits. So. In a way. This is a first. WTF. Or maybe not.

Lo and behold the benefits of hand-me-downs.

I have the privilege of being able to use two Apple Watches. Reason? Like all my iOS devices, I don’t buy them, except for the phone and my MacBook. My wife is on her fourth Apple Watch and her third iPad. Unlike me, she needs these things. She needed a new Apple Watch on account the old one’s battery was dying. So she got the Apple Watch 6. Don’t get me started on iPads, but she’s broken so many of those I’ve lost count. (It’s at least three.) Her previous watch, a stainless-steel Apple Watch 2, she reluctantly handed down to me, but has since given up on it because, well, the newer Apple Watch 6 is so much better. She especially likes the fact that it’s waaaaay lighter. After a while I started to fiddle with the Apple Watch 2 and then I took a real liking to it–and not because it’s so much slower than my Apple Watch 3. It’s something about the stainless steel, the weight, the shine, I think. Anywho.

My Apple Watch 3 was also on its last battery legs. As I fiddled with these two watches to see which I like best, I was just gonna sell the other. Then I discovered that iOS lets you use two watches at the same time by enabling something in the watch app on the iPhone. Ok. Cool. The problem is, getting hand-me-down devices also means you get worn-out batteries. Like I said. As I fiddled with them for a few weeks I quickly realised that my battery situation was critical in both watches. Neither watch would get me through a few hours, let alone a full day, without having to charge it. What a pain in the… Anywho.

I really took a liking to the stainless steel watch so I decided to use Apple’s renewal program where I paid the €98 fee, they sent me special packaging, I packaged it, and then sent it in for what I thought would be a simple battery replacement. Turns out they don’t just replace the battery. They sent me a completely new stainless steel Apple Watch 2. This thing cost €800 when my wife bought it, which was right after its introduction. So I was tickled to death thinking, even though €98 for a battery renewal is nothing to laugh at, I got a new friggin watch. But then. About a month or two of full-time use, letting my Apple Watch 3 collect dust, Apple pulls a whammy. Apple made the Apple Watch 2 obsolete. In other words, it doesn’t receive updates anymore. Ok. Fine. As long as the watch works, I don’t care. And it does work. It’s brilliant. In fact, I think it works for two days on one charge. It’s also perfect for telling time, controlling podcasts and music and receiving/answering messages. But then I tried to set up the Apple recovery thingy and bam. Nothing works. Which means, I have a choice. Not only is the Apple Watch 2 obsolete, but I probably have to stop using it because I can’t use the Apple recovery thingy. So the choice is to not use the Apple recovery thingy or… Ok. Great. Not.

My point with this worst-post is 1) we really need some right to repair laws and 2) we also need to regulate the $hit out of corporations that think they’ve earned the privilege and it’s now their right to rip us off. With that in mind. Do I like the Apple Watch? Sure. I do. Would I go out buy one. No. My wife breaks enough of her stuff or uses it long to have to replace it which means I’ve got lots of hand-me-downs to play with. But. This is a friggin watch. Can’t they (Apple) at least put some effort into one product and not make it obsolete? Please.

Rant on.