Above a label from one of four bottles of “Lisini” 1998 that I have rotting in my kitchen. That’s right. They are rotting. Once they were magical bottles of wondrous wine. Then the reality set in. To remind me of what Italian stuck-up wine makers have done to something as simple as wine, these bottles will rot till I throw them away with their un-open content. To hell with ’em.

Not sure what it is. The wine-thing lingers around me. And to think I/we spent less than a decade playing with it. You know. Driving to Tuscany at least once a year to fill up our Audio A6 with various bottles directly from the makers. Then we’d transport them via Swizterland, paying appropriate tax at entry, reclaiming tax at exit, etc. I never thought that something like wine would get old, though. I guess the drive there from Germania was a bore. But that ain’t all. Sadly. Boy did it get old. And not just any kind of old. It got ornery old. I almost hate wine these days. That doesn’t mean I don’t nip at it once a once. It’s just that I’m so cynical toward wine, wine makers, wine distributors, it ain’t funny anymore. It’s sad. Being in America the last few weeks grinds my bolts even more. The wine is even more stupidly priced here than anywhere else. I still don’t mind wishing that all them greedy, snobby, stuck-up wine makers drown in the mess they created–because they have turned wine into a commodity, which means it is handled like a commodity and also means that greed rules everything about wine. More on all that nonsense here.

The other day worst-writer got a request from old friend that moved from Wash DC to the Philippines. He moved because, like so many, he was/is fed-up with home. He had sold his business, broke up with wife and realized that all that was left was… Well, what is left for the few and the non-greedy in American’t? Nomatter. He couldn’t wait to find a way out after doing the right thing for so long and getting nothing for it. You know. Just like so many other Americans have to do. It’s called paying for your parents greed or paying for Baby Boomer comfort. Or something like that. And so. Getting a masters degree in History at fifty in the Philippines sounds like a pretty cool idear. The best thing about it is that he can easily afford it and live abroad for a short stint. What a great way to clear the head, eh! Get all the shit of American’t out of you. Purge. Start anew. Anywho. Years ago I would bring a nice bottle or three of stuck-up Eurowasteland wine for us to enjoy. The gathering involved some good looking company and some dastardly conversation that lead to all things intellectual and titalating. Or maybe not. But. The wine was good. So. To my surprise he sent me brief request for info recently. About wine. Even though he’s up-to-date on my cynicism. Obviously he’s got some dastardly things in-mind for the Philippines. Good for him. Here our brief exchange–for worst-posterity’s sake.

Old Friend: Hey worst-wine-drinker, i know someone going to Italy. Want them to pick up a couple bottles of decent, but not expensive (15 euros max per bottle) wine. Any suggestions. Reds of course.

Worst-Moi: As far as wine is concerned and as far as my cynicism about it, especially Italian wine, you probably couldn’t go wrong if you got a Chianti Reserve or any reserve wine. In my cynical opinion Italian and probably French wine makers are in deep trouble because they really pokered their prices high in the first decade of 2000. I’m not even sure of the prices anymore. As you may recall, I gave up on Italian wine a while ago. But the good thing is, like all things greedy, things never change! You might be able to get a decent bottle of wine for $15. But I think you’ll have to spend more for anything even half-decent. The best wine that I remember from the days I bought there is Brunello-Lisini. But very expensive. Sangiovese–which is the main grape in Chianti–is also very good and better priced. Wines from Moltepulciano are well known for being strong and robust–we enjoyed them. When in Italy, though, we only drank the expensive stuff on special nights–you know, the titallating nights. We sought out good, basic wines that locals drank. But here’s the thing about them. You know how certain things taste better when you have them where they’re from? Well, that applies to worker-wine in Italy. It’s like Chesapeake blue crabs probably don’t taste right in the Rocky Mountains. If that makes any sense.

So what’s up with this? You’re in an exotic place in the pacific and you want Euro-wines? Nip whiskey, man. I’m sure you can get some good whiskey there. If you get a good bottle of Maker’s Mark and nip at it–don’t just drink it–it’ll last a while and probably taste better than wine. Whiskey is probably better with the weather/climate there too. Hope this helps and doesn’t confuse.

Good luck old friend.

-Tommi

Potential Subtitle: Will MILFs save Eurowasteland?

Disclaimer: I never quite finished this post. Part 2 was an attempt to finish it. Part 1 is where it all started. Sometimes, as hard as I fight to maintain them, idears just don’t cut it and I have to let them go. This post is the result of not letting them go.

Prelude: There is an urge deep inside me to attempt, however frivolously, to rename Europe. And why not. How many names has it had since this ultimate experiment came to pass? Ok. Granted. There haven’t been that many names – but isn’t more than one too much? Let’s see. European Union. European Community. The Continent. England’s Afeared Sister. The Other Side Of The Channel. Etc. (Btw, the word sister was chosen above brother to appease the French.) Oh. And last but not least (on my list), I think Europe should be called what it really is: Babel. Or maybe not.

FYI 1. I’ve already renamed Amerika. So. Without further postponement, here’s my suggestion for Europe’s new name – since Babel is a bit extreme.

Boring.

No? Something else? Ok. Let me move on.

FYI 2. This post is the second iteration of a post that I wrote while blogging on wordpress in 2007. The whole IDEAR of this story begins after reading various articles that I found in some ill-fated research I was trying to do regarding how much Germany was mentioned on/in English language news sites. Of course, once I got through all the mentions of German economic prowess or it’s advocation of political hand-holding with France, I was actually surprised how much information is out there in English about some of the most questionably news worthy stuff. But when I looked deeper at what I had found, there was one other connection to be made. One of the articles that stood out at the time was on a TV news anchor named Eva Hermann. It was after reading about her and then seeing her actually mentioned on an English language website that I realized how important it is understanding boolean search in order to avoid being bombarded with hits about nazis.

And now. On to the show. Oh. And btw. I eventually came up with another name for Europe.

+++

Part 2. (2010-07-02 03:33)

Nothing interesting happens in Eurowasteland. Seriously. This place is completely, utterly and totally boring. Obviously the Eurowastelanders love that. I’d even go so far as to claim they lavish in their own special cesspool of boredom. I guess, because of their history, being bored means all is well. And that has to say something. Or? If I were to look at it with my special pair of spite glasses – these same glasses are owned by most immigrants – Eurowastelanders especially love the fact that their boredom means that no one has to be part of starting wars so that oil companies can profit beyond imagination. It also means that one doesn’t have to concern his or herself with the antics of Das Volk and thereby control half the population’s choice of procreation and at the same time enhance the conservative wing-nut political base that is ultimately anti-female and pro-war. Then there’s Eurowasteland debt politics – which is ultimately a war of another kind against those who must work for a living in order to have a piece of the lie that is the Euro-pie? And the list goes on. Yet all is not lost. For. There is are two things exciting in Eurowasteland – that is, two things that are not boring as hell. These things amuse beyond the humdrum of all this almost-perfected socialism, also known as social market economics. What we are dealing with here are political discourse and – are you sitting down? – MILFs. Seriously. Following the antics of not just politicians but the few and far between neo-aristocrats and media personalities, there is something that transcends even the boredom perfected by a place that has given humanity practically all the world’s political evils.

Am I being to brash? Not sure. So let me focus first on Euro-politics. For you see, Eurowasteland is a place – due to circumstance I won’t get into – I have been forced to adopt. Since that adoption I have learned enough about the misconception and misuse of certain political IDEARS, such as the lie of social market economics. Eurowasteland opportunists aka politicians have long realized that there is an infinite source of empathy for all things that start with the word Social. This group of Automatons that are supposed to represent Das Volk seem to throw Socialism around like American’ts throw around  Patriotism. Odd how the controllers of the universe – on both sides of the Atlantic – are able to (s)pin opposing ideologies – that are ultimately the same thing – against each other. Brilliant.

Anywho.

Do Eurowastelanders do anything about this nothingness, this emptiness, this boredom that stems out of their love of all things political – and social? Of course not. Why should they? Most of them have long since acquiesced and accepted the lie of their Governesses, most of which are based on some form or another of aristocracy, hereditary privilege and/or the love of monarchy – and let’s not forget the goddess bitch named: nostalgia. Therefore none of Das Volk believe there really is a problem in their Euro-bubble because there is a direct comparison across the Atlantic that reassures them that bad isn’t has bad as the new bad coming out of American’t post George W. Bush. What a price the Automatons of Eurowasteland pay, though. But all is well because Eurowastelanders fill their politics with nomenclature. Take, for example, the word culture. Even though it’s a noun (just like the word Love) – it should be treated as though it is a verb. Indeed, Eurowasteland has perfected the noun-ification of everything – which ultimately means that there is no action left in anything. And so. Go to museums and look at things old and then convince yourself that they are aesthetic or their ultimate value is in a history devoid of individual responsibility. For you see, as a failed artist, I still believe that culture is something that must be infinitely renewed. It must be forever in flux. Culture must never stand still. Oh. And btw. If culture bores like life bores, then it’s time to address the free-flow of your economic juices. Oooops! I guess I’m way to late giving out that advice, eh?

Having been born and raised in the united mistakes of American’t, I really thought I had seen it all regarding how humans can consume so much – and more importantly living for the politics that facilitates and enables that consumption. But then I expatriated to the wonders of Eurowasteland – where consuming is the same difference – but with a megalomaniacal twist. Take the automobile as an example. According to research and some personal experience, about 60% of all luxury cars consumed in the Eurowastestate of Das Volk are paid for by government. That is, in order for all the fancy Audi, BMW and Mercedes to drive on the autobahn the government has to subsidize them first. What that means is, these cars would otherwise never be consumed. In other words, the costs of cars cannot be covered by the spendable income of Das Volk (period). Alone the impact of near zero car consumption is practically an unfathomable situation that not even politics could deal with it. This requires a bit comparison, perhaps. American’ts deal with the same problem (spendable income for cars) but their answer is increasing and/or manipulating consumer credit and allowing a centralized and privileged banking system to control it. The Eurowastelanders have long since nipped the banking trick in the bud (mostly in the form of controlling consumer credit but also negating the need for speculative banking to impose itself on the economy as a whole) and so Eurowastelanders redistribute the burden of financing consumption where there is no disposable income – in this case car consumption – to the tax payer. Ultimately the tricks both sides of the Atlantic use work well. What makes them interesting though is how far each system can go without the roof caving in. Brilliant, eh! – nomatter what side of the pond you’re on.

But the wonders of Eurowastelanders and their Governesses doesn’t stop with their love of taxation. Once Das Volk is able to get a car they have another problem. Imagine a government so big, so omnipresent, so (in)capable that it must arbitrate the legality of being able to wash a car, the existence of which could not be possible if it hadn’t controlled the taxation of its flock in order make that car in the first place. Think about what that implies – beyond the whole idear that Governesses control everything. Indeed, there is actually a law prohibiting washing cars on Sunday. (Why do I feel the need to repeat that a dozen times?) And do you know why you can’t wash your car on Sunday? Because if Das Volk could wash their cars on Sunday the entire “continent” would dissolve from the face of the earth due to the amount of surfactant the ground can (cannot?) absorb.

(On a little tangent here. Am I the only one to ask why is it that Das Volk, who have a tradition of building great automobiles, do not have one single alternative powered car on the road? Could it have something to do with that fact that electric cars probably in their first few versions won’t be able to go through a carwash anyway. It all has to do with those batteries, you know. I don’t know about you but I can’t wait for the first string of short circuits that awaits us all. Oh, and another thing while I’m on this tangent. Why is it that Das Volk does not have one alternative powered car while the Asians and American’ts do?)

Oh. I must digress.

So what am I getting at here with all these wild and incoherent rants about Eurowasteland, their cars, bad weather and their desire to noun-ify everything that could have political and economic meaning if the verb in it could be released? How ‘bout this: it’s all about dealing with the reality of Übergovernment. As a born and reared American’t and byproduct of a misconstrued generation that is between the boomer and the X-ers, there is something to the idear of wanting government to be… How should I put this so that any Eurowastlander will get it? (Short pause; take deep breadth.) You see, American’ts all believe in one thing and one thing only. I mean, it might be hard to believe, but they really do have one thing in common – other than that stupid pledge of allegiance. They want government to be… less. I’m not talking the same kind of mindless less that is propagated by the wingnuts of the political right in the united mistakes. The fact is, I’ve experienced both sides of the Atlantic and the Governesses the two can come up with – and it’s been an eye opening extravaganza, to say that least. Eurowasteland has a politic that is the best example yet of the Social lie fulfilled – including the lie of a functioning Übergovernment. In other words, Eurowasteland, in all her pseudo-communist, neo-aristocratic worship of heredity rights glory, has enabled and facilitated a comfort zone so great (subsidized corporate Audis for everyone – Jawohl!) that Das Volk can’t help but accept the monstrosity of a governess with huge, luscious milky teats that sometimes secrete really, really good wine.

In contrast, so that a bit of perspective can be maintained here, while the Eurowastelanders bask in their special kind of apathetic misery blinded by the shine of Audis and BMW trademarks, Das Volk from the united mistakes must bask in a similar misery of experimental political extremism where reality is so distorted that most American’ts can no longer tell the difference between purple clouds of the mind’s eye and purple unicorns running across pools of endless political hydrocarbons. Or. Put another way. American’ts are so politically stupid that they actually believe – as a contrast to Eurowasteland’s love of Socialism – that Capitalism is a political system.

OMFG! Have I lost you totally dear worst-reader?

I should admit now that I spend most of my time reading and studying about American’t Übergovernment because, unlike Eurowasteland, at least the American’t side – as bad and extreme as it is – has a left-right discourse which might be stupid but it ain’t boring. Beyond that, all the political discourse of American’t – especially post George Dubya Dispshit Bush – as blatantly ignorant and reactionary as it may be, at least exists inside a place that people can identify with. I wonder at times if the Eurowastelanders have all given up on politics because they have no connection to one another – or if Brussels is just so far away from the diversity that once was Europe. Eurowastelanders have attached themselves to renewed mother-state umbilical chords. They have no desire to challenge the consequence of so much apathy and submissiveness in the context of uniting as a people. They just stay hooked to mama and in the case of Das Volk, stay hooked to sauerkraut and state funded fancy cars. Yeah, baby. Comfort is good. Sucking on wine giving teats is great, too. Oh, and everyone has healthcare that they can drive to with their fancy new A4.

Another digression? Ok.

Let me try to get back to what I was hoping would be a thesis (but have obviously really, really screwed up). I am gallantly failing to address the idear of discourse and boredom and how Eurocrats have used it as a form of convention to tame what was left of the wildness prior to the great wars. Discourse and boredom are two things that obviously work well together when mixed properly (by three Shakespearean witches, of course). In the right context these two elements have taken on the same happy-face symbolism as a fat buddha or a shinning tao or a t-shirt that everybody wants to wear as though every work day were casual Friday. Of the major western industrialized countries, Das Volk of Eurowasteland has proven itself to be the ultimate locomotive of controlling the train of political chaos which should be the summit of socialism. It does this through a quelling of interest by saturating a highly educated but dumbed-down Volk with the infinite beauty of boredom embodied by the misconceptions of history and culture. In fact, everything has stood so still since the advent of Eurowasteland that perhaps a new form of life has emerged. This is a life form that has nothing to do with chemical reactions or biology. It is life in the form of an idear. Seriously. Anthropologists are getting doctorates in this stuff. There is reason behind the fact that, ultimately, it was Das Volk that gave the world Karl Marx and, of course, in the form of a German maternal grandmother conversion from Jew to Russian Orthodox, Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. It seems that these two men and their essence, perhaps an essence that goes as deep as DNA, is impossible to purge. And so. Eurowasteland Governesses and of course it’s newly anointed coinage that is the evil-twin of the Deutsch Mark, is all that is left. Life bureaucratic anew. The idear has become real.  Culture is at a stand still. Yes. Germans lost the war. Fascism won. And the new Führer of everything is: Boredom!

 

Part 1. (2007-10-19 05:33)

Suggestion for getting Eurowasteland out of the sickening boredom that is the core to its political turmoil. Hot MILFs! Yeah, baby. Put them in charge of saving Eurowasteland? Let’s bring a little excitement into this mess that is Euroboredom. Let’s talk about something that Eurowastelanders have given the world. Mothers I’d Like To Fuck. But first. Do you know why the institution of marriage no longer requires official sanctioning by religion? I mean, the Eurowastelanders did start this trend – just most other superficial and meaningless trends that have only to do with how a person looks. The reason is simple. Religion has been replaced by law – which is code for big government. Once religion lost its hold on controlling people (thanks a lot to Eurowasteland for that, too!) something had to step in to replace it. Marriage is the perfect mechanism to prevent women from running around voicing opinions that are equally as stupid as men. The planet just can’t take double the stupidity. Marriage is the single best way of controlling the female voice, not to mention all the other stuff, including – and this is very important – married men. Marriage is also the single best way of turning the brilliance of life giving nature into a commodity that can be owned – and ownership is something that women seem to adore as a form of comfort and safety. It’s just like the laws governing property ownership. Seriously. The process of procreation, btw, and just like marriage, is a process enabled and meant not to serve the species but instead to serve the Governesses that rule everything. I mean, come on, think about it. What’s the best way to preoccupy half of humanity and thereby ease the control of the other half? Turn that half into something that is completely controlled by the unforgiving consequence of biology. Who is gonna stand up and emancipate from that? Are the feminists gonna do it? I think they’re busy with something else – and it’s probably called emancipation. Yeah, baby. The best way to assure that political discourse doesn’t get out-of-hand as, let’s say, Marx & Lenin caused it to get, is to make sure that females don’t cross the line established by patriarchy. So. Let’s blog about blond, blue-eyed, hot German MILFs and how they can add some fizzle to the boredom of Eurowaste State discourse.

The name of the anti-boredness? Eva Hermann. Talk about beauty. She has face that can make a statue cum. And. She is the author of books. A chick with a face like hers and she can write books? I gladly admit here, as statuesque as I am, she could even make a fuddy-duddy like me cum. (The book, btw, has a pink cover; just thought I’d add that for the sake of posterity.) Anywho. In 2006 Eva Hermann was promoting her newest book. Since she is a relatively famous news anchorwoman, half the promotional work was easy. The problem is, she forgot her place in the grand scheme of things. Like most stupid males that gave the world stupid (and boring) politics, our lovely MILF didn’t think twice about promoting Nazi family values in order to sell her book – which had something to do with women and children. These values, as she professed them, should be and subsequently have become part of the boring political discourse of Das Volk. Of course, my German girlfriend says, ”that’s not what she said”. What my German girlfriend fails to understand is that, often, and perhaps disproportionately, it is not what a German says that matters. What matters is what is perceived that a German says. Tough pill to swallow, eh. And most certainly not a boring pill.

Eva Hermann is running her trap on the back of a book she wrote that is trying to push the clock back on, IMHO, releasing half the population from the chains of political stupidity and thereby – hopefully – doing something positive for mankind. On top of that, during a TV appearance, she refused to apologize for remarks she made about how much better the Nazis cared for families. Now don’t go ballistic on me for judging her book even though I haven’t read it. For one thing, my book reading list is too long and I’m simply not interested in German MILF’s writing non-fiction books with pink covers. Another thing is, this is a blog where I can write anything I want and I really like bitchin’ about (having) to live in the lie that is Eurowasteland – which generously embodied by hot blondes that would be better off making old men cum by sending them perfectly glossed promotion photos.

I can tell you first hand that the females of Das Volk are in a pickle of a situation in this new century. Either they shut up and do what they’ve been trying to emancipate from for the paste 100 (?) years or they join the ranks of hotness that gives too many young men obsessed with Internet porn boners. Yeah, baby Euro MILFs could overwhelm servers like no other. And. I don’t think a woman like Eva Hermann are gonna help the situation that perhaps women don’t want to be placed in yet another useless corner of a political boxing ring fought by the other half.

Fortunately Das Volk has been reared by Weiber. These Weiber literally rebuilt a defeated and bombed-out nation. So it’s really no question who in the lie that is the family of Das Volk wears the pants. Having said that, many career oriented and ambitious Weiber (my girlfriend, my ex-wife, and various other Tussies from my past) are very dominating females. (What can I say, I dig chicks that for what ever reason act like men). And that’s probably a good thing – because it’s kept me from being the starving artist that I was meant to be. On the other hand, this is the reason I am in complete contempt of females trying to get old words of the past placed in the arena of the future and dressing up such a dirty deed by utilizing the aftermath of biology. Motherhood is not an entitlement – unless, of course, you believe in the social lie that is Eurowasteland – which my best guess is exactly what a female like Eva Hermann believes (even though the press might make you think that she believes more in Magda Goebbels). It’s also well worth mentioning my disappointment in the male portion of Das Volk. The anglo world needs to add more to it’s vocabulary in order to understand how things work among Das Volk and the males that occupy it. It’s not enough to watch car commercials and learn words like Fahrvergnügen or think of the near-past misinterpretation of the word Doppelgänger or Blitzkrieg. So let me provide a word for all: Schlapschwanz. Indeed. The Eva Hermann’s and Schlapschwänze are ruling Das Volk and subsequently the mess that is Eurowasteland. And to what end?

Oh my. Lions and tigers and bears. Oh my. Lions and tigers and bears. Oh my.

Women in Eurowasteland have to play more than a duel-role these days. I’m sure to the admiration of other pacified socialist countries, Das Volk is playing the globalization game with gusto and they are admired for it. Although I’m not sure other countries can put so many luxury cars on the road the same way the same way Das Volk does it. But it cannot be overlooked how Das Volk is managing their success. They do it by assuming, based on gender, that an outdated idear is the solution. And as the game whines down, as the apex of the pyramid lengthens and stretches and the base widens and becomes more dense, there is less and less of the pie to split between the extremes. And so. The easiest of all possible political routes is adopted. Men run to their role with the assumption that they are men. How archaic and devoid of merit; how exemplary and submissive. What a perfect fit in a place joyously obsessed with Übergovernment based on women who fail to realized that procreation is no longer a wonder but instead a disease. Gender determines politics and politics determines the boredom that rules everything.

The saying goes that the first casualty of war is the truth. If that’s the case then what is the first casualty of failed Socialism cloaked under the guise of favored Übergovernment? Isn’t it amazing how so many in the west are willing to give up the innate human right of choice and by default facilitate political boredom? In a period in history where you have to calculate whether or not you can afford a family, especially when there’s so much gluttony in our political and social system, I guess it’s no wonder that we’ve long since given up on progress and creating more and better choices (politically).

In terms of feminism, civil rights, habeas corpus…, the irony here stinks to the hilt! And so. Das Volk try to change the subject and avoid what really is important by perverted lust for cum driving faces. Eurowasteland is struggling so intensely with trying to keep the ”family” intact while misconstrued economic policies eat away at its foundation, that there is little choice anymore for the womb-laden to decide a fate. Men, who are wrongly running the show in Germany, are Schlapschwänze. And now, according to a MILF anchorwoman, females are rightly being ridiculed for saying that Uncle Adolf and his cronies enabled families to have a nice life because you could leave your bicycle unlocked on the street and it wouldn’t get stolen. Yea. The result of too much boredom has to be stupidity.

The whole of contemporary Eurowasteland is falling apart under the lie that is Social-Market-Economics. And all there is in the political discourse are MILFs who can run their trap a bit too much so she can sell a book with an ugly pink cover. Why doesn’t Das Volk deal with something more important? Like raise a few more taxes, create more ingenious bottle deposit schemes, or… say something very loud about why women in Islam have to be covered from head to toe. Oh. Eva Hermann, you dip-shit, why can’t you say something worthwhile to sell your book – something that might steer the political discourse in the right direction?

-Incomplete-

Rant on.

-tgs-