One of my favourite German words is: Klugscheisser. Roughly translated (to #Americant English) it means smart-ass. I worst-say “roughly translated” on account, well, as far as I can tell (after all these years living abroad) my beloved & missed united mistakes of #Americant has lost touch with what it means to be a smart-ass. I mean. Then again. And I may be splitting hairs here. But it seems to me that most of the western world, lead by #Americant, of course, is kinda run by smart-asses. For Germany, though, there might be a bit more to it. So with that in mind, let’s split some hairs.
Something weird happened recently in my adopted country. Keep in mind, contrary to popular belief, Germans aren’t really all-that weird. Well. Let me rephrase that. Sexually they can be very weird. Culturally they can be weird, too. But usually where the weirdness stops is when it comes to things like science and engineering or politics. In most cases boring but somehow efficient seems to rule all-things German. Unless, of course, you expect a train to run on-time or a horse to sing you a lullaby while trapped inside a candy corn box. But let’s not go there, eh, dear worst-reader.
The weird thing that happened recently has to do with a bunch of well-known German actors having recorded short videos where they try to communicate some kind of message regarding Germany’s dealings with the COVID pandemic. As you may or may not know, z’Germans have recently passed some sweeping laws where they’re trying to finally get this fcuking disease under control. The coinciding problem, though, is that most Klugscheisser Germans don’t like being told what to do or how to live–by the fcuking government–even though being told what to do (and how much tax to pay) is all there is to being German these days. Sound familiar (#Americant)? Now. Keep in mind. Even though I’m a Ausländer, I’m pretty confident in claiming that worst-writer is fully functional in the German language. I’m not very good at writing it but I can speak it and I usually can understand all of it–as long as High-German is spoken and one doesn’t use a bunch of colloquialism, like my wife does sometimes–which drives me crazy, btw. Anywho.
After watching a few of these videos I had to turn to my (German born and raised and somewhat nationalistic) wife and ask her to tell me what’s so wrong (with them) and why are some circles in Germany (the press and politicians) freaking out. After a bit of yipping and yapping here and there from both sides, my wife concluded that I am incapable of understanding German irony.
German what, I asked. But Germans aren’t good at irony. To be ironic you also have to be funny, dear.
As usual my wife grinned, turned and walked away. We spoke again later that day at dinner (about something completely different, of course).
So here’s the thing. These videos were all published under the hashtag #Allesdichtmachen, which basically means close everything. Now. Germany is having a hard time with this pandemic. They can’t seem to stop the waves. In fact, I’m not sure if we’re on the third or fourth wave right now but according to the news, we’re definitely in a wave. Also. Vaccinations aren’t going well. The whole country is pretty much dependent on being able to import vaccines on account, even though the Pfizer vaccine was developed in Germany, the Germans don’t have the capacity to manufacture it (or something like that). Worst-writer’s conclusion as to why Germany’s having such a hard time dealing with COVID boils down to the same reason Germans just ain’t funny. For you see, dear worst-reader, Germans can see/taste/smell irony, they just can’t cook it up–just like humour, don’t you know. Now. As of the writing of this worst-post, I’m still not quite sure who/what started the whole #Allesdichtmachen thing. In fact, I don’t really care who/what started it on account, well, I’ve worked with a few actors here and there. Let me just tell you this about actors. Actors literally are not the brightest stars in the sky, hence the irony they’re referred to as stars. But on that note, I die-gress.
It turns out that many of the actors have pulled their videos regarding Germany’s pandemic fiasco. Reason? Well, get this. Would you believe German right-wing politicians agree with German actor irony–that is attempting to communicate a message about the pandemic? Which brings me back to the idear that Germans can’t really cook-up irony. But if they do cook-up something that they think is irony maybe it’s actually something else. Sarcasm? Facetious? I should also add that worst-writer probably can’t understand the irony either way even though I can understand what the actors are saying along side #Allesdichtmachen. On the other hand, even though much of what Heike Makatsch or Meret Becker say doesn’t really sound like irony (to worst-moi), I’m also finding it kinda hard to just throw out what they’re saying because, well, maybe German right wingers understand less of (German) irony than I do.
Confused yet? Don’t worry. It is this exact confusion that has lead to the (western) world being run by a bunch of Klugscheisser and/or actors not knowing when to draw their own curtains as the stars fade to black.